Saving Myself || A Drarry Story

XLV: Scowls and Jeers

Often, Harry sat on Draco's lap while he did schoolwork. Harry was excused from his work, knowing that Dumbledore told all of the professors of his misfortune, of his family falling apart more than it already had, of the disgusting gauze that Harry kept on his arm although he wasn't bleeding.

Harry didn't want Draco sleeping with him, fearing that he would accidentally press on his bruises. He slept on his stomach, the only place it didn't hurt.

Gladly, Draco allowed the smaller boy on his lap, often smiling for his own sake, trying to ignore the sullen and testy mood that Harry was in. Of course, he tried to make Harry feel better, but he was inconsolable, telling Draco to Fuck off multiple times, flipping him the bird. But, at night while he thought Draco was asleep, he cried into his pillow.

Draco wanted to go over to him and wrap his arms around the crying boy, but he knew Harry wouldn't talk to him.

On Sunday, he told Harry, who was sitting on his lap, listening to his heartbeat, "You know that you can always talk to me, right?"

Harry lifted his head, looking the blonde straight in the eye as he asked, "Why are you telling me that?"

Draco couldn't quite look into his eyes as he replied as steadily as he could, "I just wanted to, uh, make sure you knew."

Harry stood, a scowl on his face. It looked odd and painful with the still purple bruises. "Liar." Draco shook his head and Harry continued, "You can't look anyone in the eye when you lie. And you hesitate and think about what you're going to lie about."

Draco stood as well, holding his hands out to Harry as if to ask So what? as he said, "I hear you at night, alright? I hear you and I can't do anything about it because I know you're going to shut me out like you always---"

"I don't do that, " Harry said dismissively and with a wave of his hand. "I don't---"

"But you do, Harry!" Draco said, thrusting his hands out. "You do! I try and talk to you and you tell me to fuck off as if I wasn't a real person, dammit!"

"Well, what makes you think I want to talk to you?" Harry sneered, making Draco take a step back as if he were physically slapped. It wasn't just the way he said it, though, his eyes were hard and cold, like a shark. "How about you just leave me alone?"

Draco glared at him, his voice hard as he said, "You don't give a damn about anyone, do you?"

Harry was silent, tears threatening to fill his eyes until he forced them down. He clenched his jaw, his molars grinding unpleasantly against each other.

Draco shook his head, his voice raw and cracking as he said to himself, loud enough for Harry to hear, "I should have known, " before leaving the dorm, slamming the portrait door behind him, making Harry jump.

Draco walked aimlessly, letting his anger fester and reside in his chest until supper, where he met with Blaise and Theo, laughing at their antics as if nothing had happened. He ate slowly, his mind wandering every time to Harry, who he saw walk in, averting Draco's gaze.

That night, Draco was awoken by the sound of Harry's quiet cries. He sat up, saying, "Harry?"

The cries stopped.

"Harry?"

"I wasn't awake, " a thick voice answered. "Swear, "

Draco said, "Come here. Please?"

Harry stood, keeping his face downcast as he trudged over to Draco's bed, sitting on the edge. "What?" he asked testily, his voice thick yet thin.

"Harry, just talk to me, " Draco pleaded. "I won't laugh or shout. I won't hit or---"

"I know you won't, " Harry snapped.

"Then why?"

Harry shrugged, waving his hands around wildly, saying as he did so, "I just can't explain it. It's just this . . .suffocating feeling of dread. Do you---do you get it?"

"Yeah, " Draco replied. "I do, "

Harry sighed. "I felt like I was going crazy."

Draco nodded, intertwining his fingers with Harry's, letting the smaller boy lean into him, his lips searching for a kiss. When Draco's met his, Harry melted into it, letting Draco's gentle hands brush the bruises on his face lightly, his fingertips gliding over Harry's thighs and shoulders. Harry shivered as Draco's hands ran up and down his chest, pulling away when Harry pressed against him.

Harry's emerald eyes were still closed as Draco studied his features; the very slight upturn of the corners of Harry's eyes, a few freckles splattering on the bridge of his nose and even a few under his eyes, the way his strong jawline set it all off perfectly.

"Draco?" Harry whispered, opening his eyes.

"Yes, love?"

Harry swallowed. "Do you think I'm insane?"

Draco shook his head, saying, "You're perfect how you are. You aren't mad."

Harry licked his lips and climbed under Draco's arm, lying on his stomach. "I give a lot of damns about you."

Draco, lying on his side, wrapped an arm and leg around the smaller boy, holding him close and listening to his quiet, almost instant, snores.

"You're wonderful, " he whispered to the sleeping boy, kissing his temple softly.

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