Being Found, But Still Scarred

Being found, but still scarred.

1

I hate him!

I awoke to the banging of a chair downstairs. He was up, and not very happy about it. I climbed out of bed, I didn't want to, but if I didn't he would come, and I didn't want that. I walked over to the window, drawing back the dingy curtains, letting the sun light in. I changed from my pyjamas into the clothes I was wearing to school, I didn't look at my arm I didn't need to look to know what was there. I shoved on a hoody to hide my arm, no one apart from him, and the hospital knew about it.

I opened my door grabbing my bag and some shoes, and heading for the stairs. The front room empty and messy, I walked through knowing he was in the kitchen. The kitchen was a mess, the table covered in his paper's. I walked past him warily, I didn't want to disturb him, he coughed. And I jumped, he paused and then said "make me some coffee will you" I nodded knowing I would have to or suffer. I made his coffee and sorted out some cereal for myself. I sat down opposite him not talking or looking at him. " will you go already your annoying me" he shouted. I stared down at my bowl, not moving or replying. I took another mouthful as I swallowed it, he got up moving around the kitchen, placing his mug in the sink. I sat nervously, not wanting him to get closer, he walked over to me, I shuffled away but he grabbed my arm. I didn't react, so he pulled me up roughly. He pushed me away from the table and towards the door, I let him knowing he would hit me if I didn't he picked up my and threw it into my chest and the placed my shoes on top roughly. He opened the door pushing me outwards, "go now" he mumbled angrily shutting the door in my face. My own dad didn't want me, and abused me, he drove away my mum and brother and now he was going to take it out on me. And I had no choice, he was my own family left alive.

He had hurt my mum and beaten me and my brother, she couldn't take it any more so she left with my brother, and left me with my dad. My dad went after them, until he made them crash, they both died and I hadn't got any where to go or an escape route. So I was stuck with him or he was stuck with me, getting drunk and hitting me and abusing me. No one knew, and I didn't want them to.

It was my problem not there's. And it was never going to be anyone's but mine.

Standing on the doorstep I dropped my bag on the floor, but kept my shoes in my hands, I bent down to put them on, shoving them on, I wished my life was different, I wished I had a loving family. But no I had a horrible dad who hit me, who took everything out on me. And I hated him for it. I remembered when he was nice, but that years ago, and he had changed for the worst. I wanted to leave but I couldn't, he would come and find me anyway and then it would be worst way worse for me.

I walked down the street, sticking to the shadows, I hated being seen. I hated other people, I only had 2 friends and even they knew little about me, they had never seen my house or knew I only had a dad an abusive one at that. All they knew was I shy very shy and I kept my head down never taking the limelight or even wanting, I was always reading keeping out of the real world. But they didn't mind they were just glad to have a friend other than themselves. I liked them but I never laughed with them I was serious and and angry. And no one knew why. Apart from me.

I walked further and further until I came to the bus stop, I stood waiting patiently. The yellow bus appeared and I clambered on taking an empty seat. Ignoring the people around me I sat looking out the window not wanting to have any contact with the real world I was living in. After three or four more stops, my friend came on and sat next to me. I didn't talk, I never did on the bus and she was used to it by now. The bus was filled of chatter about the special guest coming to school, I wasn't bothered about who it was or what they did I just wanted to get through the without being noticed or any pain being inflicted on me. And especially not embarrassing myself.