Saving All My Love

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    We're still sitting in the Smittys parking lot. I got back in my car; cause once again, Dylan is stressing me out. I didn't bring Josie out, so we could fight with her around.

    I look into the back seat, she's just sitting there. Normally I can tell what she needs or wants; just by looking at her, but I'm stuck. Dylan broke my daughter.

    "You okay baby?". Josie nods. "Well, we still have a full day; unless you want to go home".

    Her little voice shook, hesitant to speak, "no". "You know, the full day is still with nanny's friend" I tell her, just in case she thinks it's just us.

    "Okay".

.

    I told Dylan, Josie still wanted to spend the day with him. That lifted his spirit a bit. He told us to follow him, to this farm; about an hour out of the way. I really don't want to. I know it makes more sense to drive together, but... urgg

    With Josie's permission, we switched cars. I left my car in the mall parking lot, and we moved Josie's car seat; into Dylan's car.

    He offered to buckle Josie, wanting to say a few words to her. I pretend I'm not listening, watching them in the rearview mirror.

    Josie tried not to look at him, as he reached over her. "Josie, can we still be friends?" he multitask's. She didn't reply. "Baby I don't know how you feel, but I want you to know; I am so very sorry". She looks down, "for what?". He may think she's just being a girl, but I'm sure she really doesn't know why he's apologizing. All her life, she thought she just simply had no daddy, like me. And now here's Dylan.

    He looked to me, in the mirror. Dylan secured her in her seat, "I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I will never leave you again. You don't have to call me daddy, but I do want to be your friend" he kind of asks. Josie nods, this time with a small smirk. Dylan kisses her head, "thank you. I love you".

.

.

    We get to this farm, after a long ride of awkward silence, and Dylan trying to bring Josie's mood up.

    Looking out the window, Josie is amazed; I sort of am too. "This isn't a farm Dylan, it's the zoo" my eyes scan the wildlife. He grins, "I said we'd go by a farm, not to one".

    He got out to get Josie from the back, and she didn't want to be put down. I guess she's all good now. We got our stamps, and let Josie lead the way; with her finger.

    First stop; monkeys. "Mommy, little baby monkeys", Josie points, in Dylan's arms. "They're jumping all over the place; like you; when nanny doesn't listen and lets you have white chocolate" I tap her nose.

    We stroll around for a good 40 minutes, ending up at the pond, with all these colorful fish. Dylan sat down with her, to get a closer look.

    My phone beeps, getting a text.

    BooCity: Girl, im covering today, and Mrs. Union is going nuts.

    I sat behind them, texting Felicity back.

Me: How so?

    BooCity: Little things, but a lot of them. Shes spending that money.

    "Mommy, mommy, that is a clown fish" Josie points, getting my attention, "right daddy?". I take it, he taught her; that was a clown fish. "Oh cool" I seem excited, "and that's a Josie fish" I point. She giggles, "no it's not. I'm a Josie fish".

.

    We all grew hungry, so we walked up to the cafeteria by the entrance. I was still getting text from City; she's worried Mrs. Union is doing too much. That fall at the rink, must have messed with her head. Felicity said she's making a bunch of new rules, and acting like a crazy person.

    Josie admired the giraffes, as we ate; wanting to see them next. We all have nuggets and fries. It's easier to eat, and saves time.

    Dylan and Josie finished theirs pretty fast, I was too caught up in my phone. "Mommy, can I have a dessert?" Josie sees other kids with ice cream and cakes. I tell her "yes", ready to take her, but Dylan offered.

If you want to keep me, you gotta, gotta...

    My phone rings. Dylan took Josie to order, while I take my call away from the noise. It's Felicity, calling on her break, to tell me how messed up it is over there.

    "Ester, you have to come over here; please. She listens to you" City exhales.

    "I'm not in town. Just tell her to think about what the rink has gone through. That fire really took her under. We don't need new, we need the old, comforting". I can tell Felicity is a little panicked as well.

    After I calm her down, I let her go. When we get back home, I know it is going to be a challenge at work.

    As I'm walking back to our table, there is a loud commotion. I walk a little faster, to be nosey. When I enter the place, Dylan is frantically rubbing Josie's back, as she gasps for air.

   I rush over to them, my heart racing. "She just froze up!" Dylan tells me, still trying to help Josie. Everyone is just watching, instead of getting help.

    "What happened!?" I yell. A tear left his eye. Josie starts shaking, gasping even harder for air. I yell, "what did you give her?", I take her from him.

    "She had a bite of my short cake" he looks scared. "STRAWBERRY? She's allergic to strawberries". Now I'm just fighting back tears, to care for my daughter.

    I ran to my bag for her epi-pen, and give her the shot. It doesn't work. She's not shaking as bad, but her throat is still closing. "What, did you give her a whole tub of them?" I ask sarcastically. I know this is no time, but I need to release my emotions before I crack.

    Just then, a cop walks in. Finally, someone who can help. "Please, can you escort us to your nearest hospital. My daughter has an allergic reaction, and her pen barely helped" I plead, as we leave the place.

    Dylan rushed behind us. The cop got in his car, and put his sirens on. Dylan and I hop in his car, me holding Josie on my lap. I see he wants to cry, but he better not. We are about to rush to the hospital, no belts, and our daughter on my lap, struggling to breath. No tears, just drive.

    "I'm sorry" he spoke in a sad voice.

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