Saving All My Love

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    I got in the passenger seat, as Dylan looks me up and down. "You are so beautiful" he shakes his head.

    "Cut the crap, Dylan" I fasten my belt. He laughs, starting the car, "it's not crap. You are beautiful, Ester".

    I disregard that, asking where we were going. He said we can do whatever I wanted to do, everything on him, nothing is to expensive.

    It's pushing four o'clock now, and on a normal day; I'd be getting ready to get Josie from daycare. So in spirit of Josie, I'm making this date about her.

    "Who says what I want to do, would require your money?" I check my phone, already asking how my baby is doing.

    Dylan sighed, "can you just let me be a gentleman, for you?".

    "This isn't about me".

    "It is. Mom wants you and I to talk. I hear you are overwhelmed" he looks from me, to the road.

   "I am, and she thinks it's because of you".

    "Well, is it?".

   It isn't. He may be the reason I'm thinking about all my worries, but he isn't the reason for them. Having him back, has me thinking of Josie, and how her life will change. This whole daddy deal is new to her. She doesn't know what having a father is like; this is going to open all kinds of doors for possible disappointment.

..

    I told Dylan to choose a place for us to eat; a place we can be alone, but still in public. The best way to stay civil, is to have strangers around.

    He brought us to a fancy restaurant, and got us a private floor. We're on the fifth level, over looking the main hall. After we settled and got our drinks, conversion started back up. He was staring at me again, trying to think of the right words to say.

    I look at my menu, not wanting to see him, "if you're going to compliment me again, save your breath".

    "I wasn't. I was just thinking of the first time we kissed" he tilts his head.

    The first time we kissed, was definitely a time to remember. I knew for sure I loved him then; there was no one else. I could feel something with him.

    "Wanna know the first time I kissed Josie?" I keep scanning my menu. I really don't want to relive a made up past.

    "Are you going to use our daughter, to hide your feelings; every time we're together?" Dylan sat back, grabbing his menu.

   I tell him "I am". The only thing I feel, is love for my daughter. "Ester, we can talk about Josie, but I want to talk about us first".

    There is no us. He made that clear, when he pulled the Malaysian flight on me. I was tired of being calm, so yea; I'm about to start hurting his feelings.

    "There is no us; I mid as well tell you now. And just so you know, I can't forgive you. You want to talk about us, it's going to be the us before you left. Lets talk about how you made me fall in love with you, disobey my mother, scare her so bad after running away for you, made me a mother at 16, then abandon me and our baby before she was even born; lets talk about that!".

    He watched me the whole time, taking in every word. "Are you done?" he speaks.

    "No, I am not done. Dylan, you were ready to marry me. I said no; for all the right reasons, and you just leave? No phone calls, no letters, no anything; not even a 'congratulations on our baby girl'. Do you even know when her birthday is?".