Secrets Better Left Unsaid

II

    Around five o'clock that morning, Alexander snapped awake and groaned slightly as he sat up from where he'd been lying on the floor.  As he stood up, he felt a sharp pain in his back, but thinking nothing of it he stumbled into the bathroom.  Turning on the shower, he stripped quickly and got in.  He must have lost track of time because as he got out, he heard a pounding on the door followed by Oliver's voice.
    "Mate, are you alright?  It's like six-thirty and you've been in there a while" Oliver called through the door.
    "Yeah, sorry" Alexander said as he dressed in his uniform and opened the door.
    "You look like hell" Oliver said, noticing the more prominent dark circles and his disheveled hair.
    "Can we not get into this today" Alexander sighed, walking past him to sit on the bed.
    "What time did Hawthorn find you" Oliver asked, leaning against the bathroom door frame. 
    "Probably about three.  He hides it but he was pissed" he sighed, running his hand through his hair to straighten it out a bit.
    "You've certainly given him a reason to be" Oliver noted.
    "Oliver, please, we've been over this a hundred times" Alexander sighed, looking out the window.
    "They wouldn't want this, your parents I mean" he said quietly.
    "How would you know what they would want" Alexander asked.
    "Because they cared about you, as do I.  You say you have to be there for Brendan, but you can't be if you get yourself killed" Oliver said, crossing the room and standing in front of him.
    "You have no idea, what you're talking about, or of what I did over the summer to keep some semblance of normalcy for him" Alexander said coldly as he stood up.
    "Does he at least know" Oliver asked angrily.
    "Of course he bloody well knows!  Couldn't keep it out of the papers not to mention the constant letters of sympathy from people that people barely knew them" Alexander snapped and grabbed his bag.
    "Alexander, when will you listen to us, to me" Oliver asked.
    "One day, but that day is not today" Alexander said walking out of the dorm room, letting the door slam behind him. 
    Alexander walked quickly out of the residence hall and over to Brickman, where Brendan was. He sighed as he stood outside the door, waiting for his brother to come out so that they could go to breakfast. 
    "Hey, Alex" Brendan said as he skipped over to him.
    "Hey, are you ready for breakfast" Alexander asked, smiling at the smaller boy as they walked towards the dining hall.
    "Absolutely!  I'm starved" Brendan said as he hurried alongside him.
    "You did eat dinner last night" Alexander asked concerned.
    "Of course, but I'm still hungry" Brendan said, running ahead to get in line for pancakes.
    Alexander smiled faintly as he walked over to the yogurt line, and grabbing a cup of greek yogurt and some strawberries he walked over to find a table for him and his brother.  A few minutes later, Brendan came over and sat down across from him with a stack of chocolate chip pancakes.
    "So how was your first day of classes" Alexander asked, ripping the foil cover off of his yogurt and started eating.
    "Good!  We're learning about frogs in Biology and we're reading The Odyssey in Greek" Brendan said as he devoured his pancakes.
    "Frogs are always interesting, especially when it comes to dissection" Alexander replied as he finished his yogurt and started on his strawberries, then sighed, seeing Liam walk over with his posse.
    "So good to see the last two members of the Faulkners sharing breakfast.  Shame that the other two couldn't be here" Liam smirked at them.
    "Clearly you have nothing to say that's worth hearing, so why don't you do us a favor and leave" Alexander retorted, his fist clenching around his spoon.
    "Thought I'd join you, since your dear parents couldn't" Liam said with a cold smirk.
    "Are you fucking dense?  Leave us alone" Alexander snapped, standing up, as the other students in the hall turned to watch their argument.
    "And what are you going to do about it? Cry" Liam asked coldly.
    "You really are dense, aren't you?  Come on Brendan, let's go elsewhere" Alexander said helping his brother pick up his plate and his school stuff.
    "Oh sure.  Run, just like your parents did.  I'm sure they're not even dead, just couldn't deal with you anymore" Liam taunted.
    Alexander stilled, and didn't turn around when he finally replied, "What the fuck did you just say to me?"
    "They didn't love you, that's why they left and are probably hiding out..." Liam started but didn't get to finish his sentence as Alexander whirled around and punched him squarely in the jaw, causing the other boy to fall to the ground.
    "Do not, talk about my parents like that" Alexander said, venom filling his voice.  "You have no right you cowardly, spineless bastard" he yelled.
    "Alexander, someone's coming" Brendan said quietly.
    Alexander let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding as he turned to see a few of the professors walking over to them.
    "What happened here" Professor Madison, their headmaster, asked calmly.
    "He hit me" Liam whined as he stood up with the help of his friends.
    "Mr. Faulkner, is there a reason you have assaulted another student" he asked.
"Yes, there is" Alexander said tightly, trying to keep his anger in check.
"And what would that be" he asked, growing impatient.
"He insulted my parents as well as my brother and I" Alexander replied.
"Alexander, is this true" Hawthorn intervened.
"Yes, it is" he sighed, looking away from him.
"In that case, Mr. Faulkner you will serve four detentions with Professor Hawthorn for striking another student, and Mr. Berkley you will serve two with Professor Atkins for insulting Mr. Faulkner and his family" Professor Madison said before walking away. 
"Alexander, come with me" Hawthorn said gently and led him out of the dining hall.
"Was it worth it" he asked as they walked towards his classroom.
"I don't know, Sir.  Probably not though" Alexander sighed as he looked away from him as they entered the classroom.
"He deserved it no doubt" Hawthorn said as he shut the door.
"It was more to defend Brendan's honour than my own.  I have very little but he doesn't deserve to have someone say that about our parents" Alexander said bitterly as he sat on a desk.
"Why do you say you have little" he asked confused.  "From what I can tell, you have quite a bit."
"Not if you knew the truth, Sir.  If you did then you'd probably think very little of me" Alexander said, nearly whispering.
"What are you hiding" he asked, walking over to stand in front of the boy.
"I can't tell you, Sir" Alexander said as he looked away from him.
"Is it a threat to you or your brother" he asked concerned.
"Just to my reputation" Alexander whispered.
"Why do you say that" he pressed.
"You know I want to someday go into Parliament.  This would ruin any chance at a career if anyone found out."
"Alexander, this isn't the 1950s anymore.  Whatever it is, you can tell me" he said softly.
"I can't, Sir" Alexander whispered, not looking at him.
"You can tell me.  I'm not going to judge you for it, not if it's what I think it is" he said, trying to reassure him.
"No, I won't, I can't" Alexander sighed, trying to keep the shaking in his voice to a minimum.
"You've nothing to fear.  I promise you."
"I'm sorry, Sir, but no" Alexander sighed as he hopped off the desk to head to his class on Molecular Biology.
"You're gay, aren't you" Hawthorn said from in front of the desk.
"I-I..." Alexander squeaked, unable to form a sentence.
"I've known for awhile.  You have nothing to worry about.  Your secret is safe, but know it's not that bad or even that uncommon" he said.
Alexander just nodded and ran out the door and to his class on the opposite side of the building.  He couldn't believe someone else knew.  No one had known, not even his parents.  As he hurried to class, he felt his legs going numb and stopped in an alcove between two halls where he tried to catch his breath and calm his now racing heart beat.
'Something's wrong' he thought to himself as he slid to the floor, weaving his hands into his hair as his arms leaned against his legs.  He couldn't stop shaking and he was feeling himself lose control over everything as tears slid down his face.
"Alexander, relax, it's okay" a voice said from beside him, "You're having a panic attack."
"S-Sir" he squeaked, not looking up at Hawthorn.
"Shh, you're alright.  You have nothing to be afraid of" Hawthorn said softly as he knelt beside him.
"B-But how can you be s-so certain" Alexander squeaked.
"Because I am.  Everything will be alright.  I know you're scared and you have every right to be, but know I'm here too, and that I'm not going to judge you" he said gently as he pulled Alexander's hands away from his face.
Alexander just nodded as he finally looked at his professor.
"Sir, are you..." Alexander asked before trailing off.
"Yes, I am gay if that's what you're asking and yes I keep it on the downlow but you need some kind of support while you're here" he smiled gently at him.
"How did you know" Alexander asked.
"Your fear told me all I needed to know.  That no one else knew and that you were petrified to tell me" he sighed.
"Thank you, Sir.  I think I've calmed down enough to go to class" Alexander smiled as he stood up.
"Remember, you have detention tonight" Hawthorn sighed.
"How could I forget, Sir" Alexander said and then quickly hugged him before hurrying off down the hall.
Hawthorn just stood there in the hall, kind of dumbfounded at his student's actions.  Of course Alexander Faulkner has always been confusing but this was peculiar, even for him, though he supposed it wasn't everyday he helped a student come to grips with their own sexuality.  He sighed and just shook his head as he walked back to his class to go and get ready for his sixth years' Latin class.