𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 ✓

t-h-i-r-t-y--f-o-u-r

"What are you doing down there?" He asks, looking at the boy sitting at the base of the tree he's standing in front of. The boy looks up, his startlingly beautiful brown eyes catching his own.

"Drawing," He answers, Niall leaning over to get a look at the page of the sketchbook. It's a semi-completed picture of a young girl who has her arms around the neck of what looks to be a slightly older girl.

"Who's that?" Niall asks, the toe of his cleat digging into the grass as he awkwardly stands in front of the boy.

"My younger sisters," Niall nods at his answer. He fidgets with the football in his hands, wondering whether or not he wants to sit down and keep talking with the boy he's seen sitting over here every day during Niall's football practice.

"Niall! Hurry up!" One of his friends calls out to him, Niall turning over his shoulder to see Ethan and Sam trying to get his attention.

"You should go back to your friends," The boy suggests, Niall turning back around to look at him. He's so beautiful, and Niall doesn't really want to leave.

With a split second decision, Niall turns around and runs back to them, handing the ball over, "I'm done for today," He tells them and is making his way back to the boy, this time plopping down on the ground in front of him.

"Thought you were going to keep playing," Niall shrugs, crossing his legs and getting comfortable.

"What else ya got in that book there?"

Niall startles awake, the memory hitting him somewhere soft.

It was the first time he and Zayn really talked, really started getting to know each other. Niall had noticed him sitting there by himself every day for about two weeks before he finally mustered up the courage to go over and talk to him, and it turned out really awkward. He sat there and Zayn was nervously showing him things he'd drawn. He'd never shown anyone before, but he showed Niall that day.

And then he continued to show up to the practices, and then even would make appearances at Niall's matches - and, before he knew it, the two of them were together.

Not in the sense that they were dating, that didn't come for a long time after, but they were sleeping together and falling in love without even realizing it.

Niall wants so badly to go back to that day. He would take all the anger he was feeling and all the pain he dealt with and do it all over again if it meant getting to be with Zayn once more.

He would do so many things differently. He wouldn't hide Zayn from his parents, he would stand up for himself, he would put Zayn first the way he deserved, he would never have cheated with Harry, he wouldn't have thrown away the helmet, and he would do all he could to keep him alive.

But he can't.

He can't go back in time, he can't do it any differently, he just has to accept that this is the way things are, now. He has to accept that his fiancé is gone and he's alone.

Well, not alone alone.

He has Liam and Louis.

And Tricia and Yaser.

And Safaa and Waliyha and Doniya.

And Greg, and maybe even his mother.

So, not alone.

But he feels alone.

He stood in the room where at least two dozen people were about, talking and sharing stories, and he felt so alone. He feels all alone in crowded rooms because he no longer has Zayn to share it with.