Forked Roads Back

54 - TESSA

SOME DAYS, MOST DAYS, I've taken up writing letters.

It started to help me combat the potential reoccurrence of my sleep talking, as I thought writing it all down would help, but it started to evolve into essays, it became more.

It helps for two reasons. One, it helps organise my thoughts, but  for another, it's helping me work out what the hell I'm going to say to Archie... whenever that may be. The first few letters were short, notes really, but after nearly  two months of writing them, the letters are more often than not two or three pages.

I keep them for myself really, keeping them in a box under our bed, and since my incident at the hospital a few weeks ago, I've found that I'm writing the same things, the same memories, over and over.

Dad had said to me ages ago, when Archie first left, that journalling was good for letting out feelings you can't voice is a good thing, but I had never realised how therapeutic it really was until now. It had been the most therapeutic form of healing I had found so far.

It may be memories I write down mostly, but what I find most is that I'm writing down all those things I feel like I can never say to anyone.

"Knock knock!"

I look up sharply and gasp as I suddenly see Jamie standing in the doorway. Looking down at the page, looking at the six pages I had written since last night, I smile as I close the letters inside my Literature textbook in front of me.

Jamie had been working late last night, so late he texted me to say he'd be staying at Rob's. Even though I had barely slept, I never do sleep properly when he's away, I hadn't seen the message until this morning because I'd been jumping between letters and finalising my dissertation forms, ready for handing in today.

As he pushes off the door frame, I get up and walk into his arms, sighing in relief as he kisses the top of my head. I push myself into him, hugging him hard.

"I missed you." I look up at him, my chin resting  against his chest. "Did you guys manage to get the boiler fixed?"

"Yeah, just about. The engineers are back today, but we were up until about two trying to sort it all out. The bar's staying closed for the rest of the weekend though." He smiles with a shrug. "A few surprise days off." That makes me smile wider too. "You up for a trip out for a few days?" His eyebrows raise before he winks.

Things had been really good between us these last few months, and there was nothing I wanted more than to spend a few days away with my man, just the two of us.

"After handing in my dissertation I am. Wait!" My eyes widen. "What time is it? Our dissertations are due by four."

"It's ten, you've got plenty of time," he smiles. "We can have breakfast, I can shower, and then we can head off after we've handed in your paper?"

"Sounds good to me," I beam at him. "It'll be good to get out of these clothes to be honest. I feel like I've been wearing them all week and I think they're starting to smell," I laugh.

I'm still in my pyjamas, because I've been in deep study mode for the last two weeks. I think I've only gone outside  twice in the last week, and even then that was just to pop to Sainsbury's to get an emergency ration of milk for much-needed cups of caffeine. But now, my dissertation was finished, it was all printed and bound, and with all the necessary forms already filled out, it was all ready to go.

"You could do with a shower too," he tells me.

I quirk an eyebrow. He isn't much better. He has oil stains all over his shirt and shorts, and he didn't smell fantastic either.