Okay

.48.

Swallowing a couple of pills dry, I stare up at the ceiling of my room. This is the portion of the day where I usually have to force myself out of bed. Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes I don't fucking bother.

It's been almost a week since I demanded Dr. Gregory to switch my antidepressant and by some miracle of god, getting up is no longer as laborious as it once was.

Everything else is about the same.

All everyone keeps saying is it takes time. Give it time. I'm fucking sick and tired of waiting. I can't wait.

But I'm trying not to complain because at least I have more energy. Not a lot but it's easier to roll my ass out of bed which is exactly what I do.

Twenty minutes pass and I'm out of the shower, a load of laundry whirring in the washer before I sit down on my couch and open my laptop. I have twenty minutes before a scheduled meeting with my dad so I fire off some emails to my team. My dad's got an idea for a software program to coincide with his camera bowl and I've delegated the market research for it to someone below me. I suspect my dad's just going to have his programmers start on the backend of the software rather than wait for me to come up with any useful information.

He loves to waste people's time.

But I'm doing it anyway. I'm trying.

I'm going through emails, making sure I'm as prepared as possible for my dad's call when my screen lights up with his name. He's early by ten minutes.

I can only imagine what's going through his mind as he calls me. Probably a list of ways I'm lacking, wondering if I'll actually answer or if my useless ass is still passed out in bed.

Hate to disappoint ya dad, but I'm up.

Answering the call, I let out a sigh hoping it takes some of the anguish I feel with it. It doesn't.

"Andrew." If he's surprised he doesn't show it, greeting me with a clipped tone.

Instantly I grab ahold of the conversation, I'd rather not give him a chance to find a crack in something I haven't done so I start listing everything I have done.

"I've got Aaron and Carolyn doing research on the software for the bowl, I should have some information for you no later than beginning of next week. I've talked to accounting about budget and also I've got a call into the printer  to get going on packaging and promo items." He nods along as I speak but I'm having a hard time keeping my gaze on the screen, it keeps wanting to flit to the balcony. "Oh and I'm waiting for your secretary to book my flight and hotel for the first event but the tickets are locked in."

I'm hoping that'll satisfy him enough that we can skip the "pull your weight" speech.

"Good." His eyes lift from the screen, a smile tugging at his face, if you can call it that, it's more of a lip twitch but his face softens from the hard expression he always wears with me. "Almost ready Julia, just finishing up."

I jerk backward like he just set off a bomb in front of my face.

"Julia's there?" I don't know why I insist on torturing myself but I have to confirm it.

My dad drops his attention back to me, his face going neutral as he shuffles some papers into a pile.

"She met me for lunch." He says simply.

"You're in town?" My eyes start to scan the background but I don't know what his numerous offices look like and I can't place this one.

Giving me a curt nod, he sets the pen that was in his hand down and says "I'll check in in the next couple days."

And then my screen goes black.

I'm aware that the appropriate response is not to laugh. That I should be mad, angry, anything but the laugh that tumbles out of me.

Fuck it.

Shoving myself off the couch, I bound toward the balcony with more energy then I know what to do with. My hand reaches for the sliding door, fingers gripped tight around it as my heart surges in my chest. Staring out at the blue sky, the high rise across the street where I have a direct view of some poor soul's cubicle.

My forehead meets the glass with a crack, a headache rupturing through my temples. Clenching my hand, frustration overwhelms me and I beat my fist into the glass. One of us has to give.

I think I might be losing it.

Like I had it to begin.

My breathing is ragged, dewing the surface before me, the skin on my fist smarting as I beat the glass harder. Something has to fucking give.

Something has to fucking give.

But just as quickly as it started, I lose steam, the fight draining for me, my punches growing weaker until I barely manage to slap my hand against the window. Standing there, breathing ragged, my forehead pressed against the cool glass, I feel completely defeated.

I'm supposed to be trying.

Shoving my hand into my pocket, I fish my phone. I should probably call Mo but he'll freak out. So I scroll past his name, stopping on Owen's. Alec gave me his number, at the time I had thought the idea of ever calling Owen was ridiculous. He doesn't want me to call him. I know that.

But right now, he's the only person that makes sense.

So I do it. Because I'm selfish.

It rings five times and with each ring I feel myself desperately chanting "please" under my breath.

"Owen Savas." He barks into the phone.

"Hey Owen." It's a strained greeting, my chest still tight as I try to push the balcony from the forefront of my thoughts. "It's Drew."

He doesn't answer, leaving me to suffer through the silence.

"I uh..." shifting my gaze out the window my head is still pressed against I stare at the edge where the balcony ends and the end begins. "I...can we...can we get lunch?"

He makes me wait for an answer, his silence defeaning on the line.

Please Owen.

"There's a place across the street from my work, UpTown Grill. I'll meet you there in fifteen."

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I feel like I do this every time Owen's in a chapter but seriously guys, Owen 💙.

Question of the day! What's the weirdest combination of food you like?

I'm expecting some crazy ass shit alright, let's be entertaining.

My combination, everyone tells me it's gross, I don't share their opinion obviously 🙄, but I love bologna and black olive sandwiches. Have since I was a kid. Black olives are the shit. I still put them on the tips of my fingers and then suck them off after pretending I'm a monster because I'm a giant child. You should try it. Live a little.