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𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 ─ 𝚊̀ 𝚕𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚎
I wonder if I bleed red. If I slit my wrist would this water turn crimson? Or would it turn black? Every color I see is a hue of gray clouded by the dark color. Lies swirl in the back of my mind and I hold the scissors open, pressed against my cold skin.
I'm not sure if I'm crying, but I feel the sobs rake through my body. My mind feels like it's being pulled apart. I see flashes behind my eyes of his face, her smile and it hurts. It hurts so bad, and I want to go away. It needs to go away now.
A loud slam almost makes me drop it, but I don't. There's a hole in my chest. I feel it getting ripped open by who's hands? I myself do not know.
Water blurs my vision. My hand shakes. Everything shakes. I think I might pass out. I think I might throw up. I̶ s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ n̶o̶t̶ b̶e̶ d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶. The world is spinning, but rage burns in my eyes. Everything needs to go now.
The scissors are ripped from my hands, but not before a long, red line is cut through my skin. It hurts, but I barely feel it. Red seeps from my wrist and I laugh.
The water did bleed red. I was wrong.
My heart beats too fast as I am pulled from the and a towel is thrown around my naked body. I watch as blood runs down my hand and drips onto the floor. He wets a rag then presses it to my wrist.
"À la folie." I recite under my breath as I watch red seep through the white rag. He looks up at me, and I see his eyes are sad. He looks at me with pity. He stands up, grabs my hand, holding over the rag, then walks to the cabinet.
"Why." He asks, but it's a statement. Not a question.
"I can't feel anything." I say, "I need to feel something." I swallow the knot forming in my throat, "A-And I needed to see if I still bled... if I still bled red."
He turns around holding a roll of bandages. He comes to sit in front of me, taking my hand.
"I would never forgive myself if you got hurt." He replies in a low voice. We make eye contact and I suddenly feel very guilty.
"Liar." I whisper, and he smiles slightly. Christian bandages up my wrist then grabs me clothes to wear. Silk pajamas.
He leaves the room. I change, wipe off my makeup, then head to bed. He sits on the side away from me. His shirt had been thrown off somewhere, and he held his head in his hands. I crawl onto the bed, and sit next to him. His leg is pressed against mine.
"Are you okay?" I ask him, my hand coming to sit on his shoulder. He drops his hands and looks over at me. He's smiling.
"I really think I should be asking you that question."
He's right. It should've been him. I needed to be honest.
"After my parent's... accident, I started having episodes. I-I have medicine for it, but it makes me tired and most of the time I think it's unnecessary because the episodes stop after a few minutes." I cross my arms over my chest, "It happens when traumatic things happen to me." I add quietly.
"What happened?" He says the words, and I feel something inside me break. I begin to cry as my lungs collapse in on themselves.
"It's Katelyn." I choke, "I lost her." I am shaking, "I lost her like I lost everyone else, and now I have no one."
Christian turns toward me, cups my face with his hands, and wipes the tears off my face. A movement so utterly sweet I can't imagine what's going through his head.
"You don't have no one." He looks into my eyes and I look into his, "Do you want to know why?" I nod, "Because I'm never going to leave you, Maria."
"Promise?"
"I promise you." He replies and I fall into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. He holds me, and I suddenly feel much better than I did before. The sun sets behind us out the window, and I watch over his shoulder as the orange, blues, and greens melt together in the sky. I smile because I can see it. I can see the colors, and they're not gray or black or ever red. They're magical and bright and I feel like falling headfirst into them.
Suddenly my heartbeats faster as I start to feel something. It started out small, but grew into a raging sea as I realized I would do anything for this man. I took one look in his hazel green eyes, and I realized that I never wanted him to leave. Not like my parents. Not like Katelyn.
Christian lays back into the bed, me still wrapped around him, and slides his arms around me. There was definitely something going on between us that wasn't just friendly.
And I don't think I minded.
It was around 1 am when I woke up without Christian beneath me. I sat up to find him up at the window, looking out at the storm that had began outside.
I tiredly rub my eyes as lightning strikes on the distance.
"Go back to bed." He says suddenly, knowing I'm awake without looking back at me. I ignore him and get up anyways, coming to stand at his side.
"What's bothering you?" I ask. He runs a hand through his messy brown hair.
"Nothing," He doesn't convince me, "Nothing's wrong, love, just go back to bed, okay?" I barely even think about my answer.
"No." I cross my arms, "Just tell me what's wrong-"
"I can't." He cuts me off. I feel myself sinking.
"Why not?"
"Why can't you tell me about your parents?" He shoots back, and I raise my eyebrows, "Now is just not the right time."
"Ok." I say softly, and turn toward the window. The soft sound of laughter from downstairs could be heard from the voices of his family who were still awake and having fun. I believe they probably were playing poker. Lightning strikes the sky again. He looks over at me.
"It's not like that, Maria." Christian explains, but I'm not listening. The oddest thing appears right on his forehead. A red dot. It moves back and forth a little before settling on it's target. I realize then what it is.
"Get down!" I yell at him and pull him the the floor. He barely has time to protest before the sound of gunshots ring through the air. I cover my ears, and watch was the room is lit up with bullets. Christian pulls me underneath him, and I gladly comply. I hear screams from downstairs and upstairs and in my own head. I'm not sure if it's me or somebody else. The world seems too slow around us, sounds everywhere echoing in my ears. It feels never ending.
