At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Forty-Four] Shawn

Chapter Forty-Four – Shawn

‘I’ll think about it’ her words echoed in my head, the words she spoke to me six weeks ago. I promised her space, I asked her to move in with me and she ran away.

I promised I would give her the week, that I wouldn’t come over and what did I come over to Friday night? Nothing, she was just gone. Her stuff was packed and the house was empty and for the first time in a long time I went home and I drank, a lot. I was angry and disappointed.

I had opened up to her, I’d done with her what I had never done with anyone else and she ran away, I finally found someone I wanted to be with after thinking I would be alone my whole life and she reminded me why I wanted no one.

I didn’t need anyone.

For six weeks I’ve been putting up all the walls she broke through with her bullshit lies. She’s mine, are you fucking kidding me! Why the hell would she tell me that and then do this. I don’t care anymore, I don’t care about her and I don’t care about her damn daughter, but I guess we all know that’s a lie but I didn’t want to care.

I was tired of caring about people who didn’t give a shit about me so I started running and hit the gym to fill the empty hours I now had with my day, I guess there was one good thing that came out of her, I was getting into the best shape of my life. I worked out twice as much as I used to and I probably drank and smoked twice as much too.

“Man, she’s not worth it, put the damn bottle down.” Kline said and I wondered where the fuck he came from.

“Get out of my apartment.” I said as he and Yule came into sight.

“Why are you so hung up on that whore?” it took about ten seconds for me to have him on the floor after those words left his lips. I never cared much for him anyway, I could hit him and I wouldn’t give a damn about it.

“Don’t you fucking dare call her that.” I spat at him. We aren’t even friends and he comes into my apartment calls her a whore and makes a comment on my drinking habits.

“But she is!” he struggled underneath me

“I will smoke the shit out of you tomorrow PFC and you’ll wish you never fucking enlisted.” I got up off him though this is my damn apartment, I don’t think it would go over well if I hit him, not that they could pull my rank for it they would just make my life hell.

“I’m not saying it to be mean, I’m saying it because she’s a god damn prostitute Shawn, she lied to you and she’s not worth this bullshit.” He knew, that’s why she was so uncomfortable at dinner.

“I know who she used to be and she’s out now.”

“Is that what she told you?” he asked

“She’s out now and I don’t need to sit here and prove a damn thing to you. Who she used to be was never a secret asshole now get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“I screwed her about six months ago.” He said and Yule grabbed onto me so I wouldn’t fucking kill him right now.

“Enough!” he was the buffer between the two of us.

“I don’t care. I don’t care who she’s been with or what she’s done. She’s a fucking person Kline, she’s not her job and being a prostitute doesn’t make her or anyone less of a human being with feelings.” I was at this point a little drunk and I didn’t have the best grasp of my control.

“Seriously, you’re going to defend her after what she’s done to you?” he asked and I didn’t know why I was, she didn’t deserve it but at the same time it was me who was mad and he didn’t have any right sticking his nose in my business and judging people he didn’t know.

He pissed me off, he was one of those who thought you would get instant respect for being in a uniform, never been deployed and kissed everyone’s ass except for mine apparently. You’re not just handed your respect after basic you have to fucking earn it and I earned mine. Ten years of service, seven deployments, my rank and my medals.

I had already been shot, stabbed and deployed before he even thought about enlisting and he’s just simply infantry and nowhere near Special Forces.

“You have no place in my personal life and It would do you good to remember that I well out rank you, back off Kline.” I said and there was slight fear in his eyes, good. I really didn’t like him and would gladly take the opportunity to smoke him and show him what some real work is, not his lazy and half-assed PT he does.

“You’re not my Sergeant.” He shot back and I just smiled, he would get what was about to come to him.

“Get out of my apartment now Kline, there’s only one child that’s allowed in here.”  I looked at Yule

“We’re going.” He said

“Dumb move bringing him here, I don’t want to see him back here again, do you understand me?” I asked

“Yes Sir.” He agreed, he was a friend but that didn’t mean he had free reign in my personal life either. Idiots. Yule got Kline out of here and I made a call to his team leader. His blatant disrespect for authority and laziness wouldn’t fly under the radar anymore. I let it go but maybe it needs to be addressed. It doesn’t fucking matter if I’m his team leader or not, I still out rank him and he needs to show at least minimal respect like I show any person who out ranks me.

I tossed the bottle in the fridge and went to go lay down in bed. I can feel how disgusting my body feels going from home cook and organic food to fast food, it was a fall back in my work out plan and I should probably attempt to cook something or I don’t know, eat an apple?

I made spaghetti with them a bunch of times but I don’t think I could remember how to do that, damn it I missed her. I missed them.

Why the hell did she just run away? Why couldn’t she talk to me? We text and talked on the phone throughout the week and all that time she was packing and moving herself out of my life, how can someone act so casual as they do that?

I sighed as I laid there; I had to work in the morning. I was cleared for duty and for PT and I would have to go through training so my unit could make sure I was physically in shape to do this job, if I wasn’t I was a hazard to them and would be booted from my unit and down to a normal one or I would be medically discharged.

On that note I was up again to work out so I made sure that didn’t happen. I couldn’t be booted like that, I was fine and I just needed to show them that I was, which also included putting down the bottle and box of cigarettes, that part was a little harder to do.

My anger towards her fueled me as I pushed myself to work harder over the next couple weeks. I had two months to make sure I was in shape and now I was going to go through hell for the next few days.

I would be out of my apartment for a week as they put me through one exercise after another, I would have just the normal things in my ruck sack and they would observe how I lead and how I work. I’ll have to do a PT test before and after I go into the field and after it all they’ll evaluate my arm and how I did and I’ll get an answer on what my fate is.

As I locked up that morning I sighed and I just hoped that I would do enough to stay in my unit, my unit meant everything to me and if I lost It I don’t know what I would do with myself anymore. I’m a soldier, it’s all I know and I always planned to retire from this and I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s taken away from me.

I didn’t want anything else ripped out of my life; I think at this point I was done with losing things.

The army is what matters, Mari doesn’t matter anymore and I needed to stop moping around because she wasn’t coming back, fuck she wasn’t even mine to begin with. She’s just some bitch who took off on me and that was how it had to be.

She stopped mattering to me the minute she decided to do what she did.

DON'T HATE ME!