At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Sixty-Four] Shawn

Chapter Sixty-Four – Shawn

Hearing her say it back, it made me realize how bad I wanted everything from her and the thought of marrying her didn’t terrify me though I’m sure it did for her, it made me feel a certain calmness that I would always have someone like her in my life.

I made love to her literally all night and into the early hours of the morning as I made her say it more times than I could count, I would never be able to hear those words too many times and then I held her through the night. Her naked body was pressed against mine and I had a hard time controlling myself.

She had fallen asleep and I laid there watching her, her slightly parted lips, messy hair and even breaths, she was getting to the end of the pregnancy and she may be getting bigger by the hour, she felt like, as she put it, a whale at four months but she was probably three times that size and I’m sure she was probably pretty miserable in her own skin and she was just going to get bigger.

I ran my fingers across the smooth skin of her belly and I loved just putting my hand over her stomach and I smiled as he kicked against my hand. I didn’t know it was possibly to love something that wasn’t even here so much but as he kicked my hand again I fell more in love with him.

I was scared, I never really was around newborns but I was so excited to have him here. I pushed lightly against her stomach and he pushed back, it was like a game I played with him, our first game. He always would push back against the pressure and I don’t know how Mari never woke up, I did this with him almost every night.

I laid awake most nights trying to figure out how to tell her about the medal, I know that it was an honor but I just didn’t feel like I deserved it and this timing had an expiration date, I would be at the white house on March Twenty-Fifth. I wouldn’t be the only one receiving one but it still made me nervous.

It was a very public event and I needed her by my side to get through it.

I had so many things to think about, we needed a place together but I was a little worried about things when I deployed next, it could be in a couple months or next year, I really had no idea. I needed to know they would be taken care of and I needed to make a will for if the worst were to happen.

I also wanted us to be married before I left but I know she wouldn’t go for it and I hoped I wasn’t pushing her too far with my feelings for her. I tried to be as patient as I could be to just let her figure hers out, I, just when I felt something or thought something I said it, I always have except I learned that was a bad habit in the Army real fucking quick.

God, I cringed at how bad my team leader smoked me out the first time I talked back to him thinking I was tough fucking shit, I was a PFC and it made me learn my place and he was one of those guys that didn’t just demand respect, he had put in his time, he had his scars and he had deserved it but I was eighteen and disrespectful and he taught me a lesson that was branded into my head.

It also motivated me, I didn’t want to be the lowest so I really pushed hard, I hit the gym and bulked up so I could ace my pt tests, I never complained about the shitty tasks I was assigned and when I was deployed for the first time I didn’t mind it as much as I thought I would.

Most of the guys were understandably miserable, being away from their loved ones and their home but I didn’t have a home and I had no one, I liked the numbness it made me feel and I let that take over.

I know my next deployment’s not going to be like that, I don’t mind them but I’ll have three people waiting at home for me that I’ll miss so fucking much.

“Go to sleep.” She mumbled and I kissed her forehead

“Can’t.” I told he and one of her eyes poked open.

“Are you going to just sit here and play with Collin?” she asked and I pushed on her stomach again to feel him kick back.

“Yup.” She rolled her eyes and swatted my hand away

“Well stop it.” she said and she got up to use the restroom before wiggling and tossing around to try to get comfortable and I felt amused and guilty at the same time, I didn’t mean to wake her up.

“You never wake up when I do it.” I said and she shrugged

“Well I’m awake now.” She sighed and looked at me annoyed so I ran my fingers through her hair and she went right back to sleep.

I finally let myself drift off to sleep and in the morning I woke up alone and so I went to take a quick shower before finding her in one of my baggy t-shirts and boxers cooking breakfast so I did what I always did and wrapped my arms around her to give her a good morning kiss and steal a piece of food which usually got me kicked out of the kitchen. I went to set the table for something to do and she plated the food and handed me one.

Bacon, egg, French toast, sausage and hash browns. She made the most amazing food.

“How open are you to not going back to work?” I asked her and she frowned at me

“I’m not.” She took a bite of her food.

“I just would like for you to be able to stay home with Collin and finish your classes and especially when I deploy, I won’t be here to help you. I’m not saying forever but for a couple years and you wouldn’t have to worry about stressing out for work, you would just need to go to school and be the fantastic mother you are.”

I didn’t mean to just be a stay at home mom, I just wanted her to be able to finish what she started and that would be hard with my not being here all the time, a job and two kids. She seemed to think it over and she just stared at me.

“I won’t be doing anything for the first few months after he’s born anyway and if you don’t bug me about it until that time then maybe we can talk about it.” well that was more than I was expecting from her, I think she was finally starting to come around.

“I like when you’re being agreeable.” I told her and she rolled her eyes

“What would you like for dinner tonight?” she asked me ignoring my comment.

“How about ribs?” I asked, it’s been awhile since I had those and she nodded in agreement, I loved that my girl could eat and I didn’t have to worry about having separate meals because I wasn’t about to starve on salad for anyone.

“I love you.” she said and it threw me off to hear again, last night was fantastic but I was a little afraid to say it today in case she had the night to sleep on it and freaked out, refusing to say it back.

“I love you too.” She smiled at me and took a bite of food before going back for seconds; I was officially used to this and would never go back. Mari would just have to get used to me being around because I was never letting her go.