Elgin was not present for Kamilla's third birthday which ruined her birthday party because she spent all her time crying for her dad. He tried to call but we were receiving bad reception so we never got to talk but he did have her gift sent to the house.
A former neighbour informed me of this and I had to go there to retrieve the gift before going back to the women's shelter that we were staying at. Luckily none of this has been in the media but I am working towards us getting our own home.
I've been trying to get as many styling jobs as I can get so that I can pull it together along with my savings to get us a house. It isn't easy though because most artists are touring and I cannot afford to travel with them.
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"You have nothing to be ashamed of." Lisa tells me as I wipe away my tears. "I've been in TLC for however long and we weren't paid shit."
"If I only had one child then it would be different but having two toddlers and a baby is a whole different thing." I sigh as we look out in the garden where the kids are playing. "It's so expensive and the money that Elgin is giving me is not enough. I need to work and make my own money again."
For the last week, I have been staying at Lisa's house. She kindly offered to let me and the kids stay here after she saw me crashing in Tiny's living room.
"Your husband works hard." Lisa tells me before rolling her eyes and we both laugh. "Let's keep it real, the music industry is shit. They don't want to pay nobody and we are basically working for free. When your man is back, then you make him stay while you go out and hustle for your shit."
I run a hand through my hair.
"Look, I'm planning to fly to Honduras to do some charity work. I'm leaving in a weeks time and since I know that you have nowhere to go, I'll leave my keys with you." She gives me a half smile. "You can stay here until your man returns and then you boss up."
"Thank you so much." I cry as I wrap my arms around her and she laughs.
"When we get back, we'll go on a girls trip then you can start working." I nod my head in agreement. "You're only twenty five, you need to enjoy your life more."
The year before we had lost our good friend Aaliyah but I never thought that the following week, the world would lose Lisa Lopes. If I had known then maybe I would have stayed in her arms longer.
---
We have been filming Keeping Up with the Kardashians for a little over a month and damn, it has been a wild ride. My older kids are all back at work which means that my emotions have been running havoc. My mothers daughters and I have really been going at eachother.
I won't lie, I feel as if some of them are trying to make amends due to the fact that we are being filmed. Kara and I are somewhat on mutual terms since she just always seems to be in her world. I'm still skeptical of Kami since she is easily influenced. Kiki and I are constantly butting heads while Kourtney is trying to get off the show. Jhene is the silent type so we don't even talk and I leave it at that because it is what it is.
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"I see that you're talking to Kara." Jhene says as she sits opposite me. Instead of responding, I just go on my phone because I am only here because my mom called me over. "Kim."
Kami pulls a face as she looks between us.
"Jhene just leave it." I hear Kami mutter.
"No." Jhene stands up and I look up at her. "Kim, you are in your forties. Why are you still acting like a teen? I have been trying to act like a sister to you but you keep acting as if I don't exist."
"I act like that because you're a fake ass bitch." I call her out. "You sit around acting like you're the innocent one but you are just as bad as those other bitches."
"How so?" She raises a brow at me and I scoff at her question.
"You don't even treat us like we are your sisters." I hiss. "When I was getting beaten down my sisters, you stood there and watched like you always do. When I was in an abusive relationship before Elgin, you watched that guy put his hands on me and you did NOTHING!"
"Kim..."
"All you cared about was your music career." I pinch myself to stop myself from breaking down. "Rightfully so because you are a very talented singer but there were times when I needed you and you acted as if you couldn't see. You have pushed us all out of your lives, hell you even pushed your own father out of your life."
"Don't bring my dad into this." She narrows her eyes at me and I stand to my feet.
"I would DIE to have my dad back in my life but you think you're too high and mighty for your own." I hear Kami begin to cry in the background, sometimes I forget we share the same dad.
"Fuck you." I almost laugh as Jhene swears at me.
"No, fuck you." I slap her. That's something that I have been wanting to do ever since she turned her back on me. We never got into physical fights because that's not her vibe but I'll make it her vibe today.
"Kim!" Kami gasps and I roll my eyes before staring Jhene down.
"You don't get to be a sister now, you just don't." I ball up my fists. "Fix your relationship with yourself then your father then maybe you can try again with me."
Kami starts talking and I let out a scream of frustration as I rip my mic off me. I storm out of the house and quickly enter my car where I begin screaming.
