Shadows | Clalec

Chapter 69

Welcome to a new chapter! How is everything going? Let me know in the comments! 
_________________________________

As I was a level above the cell, I saw Simon walking towards me. I could see the worry on his face. It particularly screamed it almost out.

"What was that about?" He asked confused as he reached me. I looked at him in confusion, acting like nothing happened. I could feel my chest going up and down because of the anger. 

"What?" I asked as if nothing happened. I was angry at Liz and I was angry at Alec but most of all I was angry at my damn fucked up brother. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why couldn't I just live my life just like any other normal shadowhunter? Why did I have to be special?

"I have vamp hearing remember? I heard everything." He said and I sighed. I shook my head as I looked at my best friend. I shrugged as I looked at him.

"I honestly don't know." I said as I looked at him. I was lost. There was a battle inside of me. A battle of right and wrong. A battle that I couldn't seem to end and I had no idea which side of the battle was going to win and it was terrifying because whatever happened, my dark side shouldn't be consuming me.

"Let's go to your room so no one else is listening." Simon said and I nodded. I could see some Shadowhunters looking at us. I was basically the celebrity of this damn place and I hated it. I almost had no privacy here. Everyone knew almost everything about me.

As Simon and I walked towards my room, I could see Alec walking inside his. He looked like he was exhausted. I knew that he didn't sleep before because he was waiting for me to wake up. A part of me felt guilty for telling him off like that in front of everyone but a part of me was glad that I did it... I was confused. I was confusing myself. 

Alec looked at me before he closed the door. The look in his eyes gave it away. He was upset but most of all, he looked devastated. I looked down and closed the door before I turned myself around to my best friend. Simon sighed and looked at me.

"Listen Clary, I know you have been changing and it is weird for you not to change. This is a entire new world but you are still part human. All of this is overwhelming you. You should be letting it go." Simon said as he looked at me. I nodded. 

I knew that he was right. I know that he was right. I had to let  go but I was afraid that once if I did, I couldn't pull myself up together. I have had lost so much since I have joined this new world. My mother and now my brother. If something would happen to Jace, I would lose it... 

"I am afraid." I said in a breath. It was as if I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I just felt numb. I felt so numb to everything.

"I know you are." Simon said as he hugged me. I held him tightly and leaned my head on his shoulder as I squeezed my eyes. I sobbed out loud and could feel a huge relief coming off my chest. 

"I don't want this." I cried as I held onto Simon. He was just listening to me, comforting me. 

"I know but you need to do this because if you don't-" "People will die." I finished his sentence as I came out of the hug. I looked at my best friend.

"There is no time for me to be sad. I need to be strong. Not only for myself but for others." I said and Simon shook his head.

"You are a hero but you need to be emotionally strong as well. You can't just go around and act like nothing is hurting you." Simon said as he looked into my eyes.

"Everything is hurt you. You are hurting and it is normal." He said and I looked down.

"I know whatever Alec has done, it has hurt you but that guy made you happy. He made you happy in a way that I have never seen you before, Clary." Simon said as he smiled.

"I confess. I was jealous of him. Not only because I had feelings for you but the way he made you happy and smile. I was never able to do that." He said and I looked at him. I know that he was right deep inside my heart. I know that Alec prevented me from lashing out... I know.

"Simon..." I said softly as I looked at him. He shook his head.

"I know what he has done and it wasn't right but Clary, he loves you. You will be an idiot to let him go. He is changing and you made him change." Simon said and I sighed.

"Did you come here to give me relationship advice?" I asked sarcastically as I looked at him. Simon shook his head and held my hand. His hands were cold which still made me startle every time. He was dead because of me too...

"No, I came here to make you realise what is really hurting you." Simon said as he looked at me.

"You are angry at Jonathan but most of all you are hurt for what Alec has done and you are taking that anger out on Jonathan and Liz." Simon said and I shrugged it off.

"It  should be a good thing." I said and I meant it. How was that a bad thing? Both of them were incapable of human feelings anyway. 

"It makes your reckless and your enemies will have a clear image of hurting you which is Alec. You care about Jace and you would die for him but Alec is literally a part of you. You know deep inside of your heart that if you let Alec go, it will kill you." He said as he looked at me. I blinked a few times.

"Simon, I can't forgive him." I said and he smiled softly.

"You can. You are scared to lose him during this war. So you push him away." Simon said and I sighed.

"Since when did you become a therapist?" I asked as I chuckled softly. Simon laughed.

"Since my best friend decided that she could do this all on her own." Simon said.

"You are forgetting that we are here and we won't let you face this alone." He said and I smiled as I nodded.

"Go talk to him." Simon said and I shook my head.

"Come on. You can do it." He said with a smile as he tried pushing me out of my room. 

Damn you, Simon.