The Loud Mind Of A Quiet Person

Chapter 1-Music

             Linkin Park

    Music saved my life. I fully mean it. For me it will always be more than just entertainment. I see it as my best friend. Unfortunately, the world lost a best friend, his name is Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park. I will start my story with Linkin Park since its beginning. I was not at all into rock music. Until 10th grade, I had listened just rap music. Some of the friends I was hanging out with listened rock though. I enjoyed some songs from Led Zeppelin, Metallica and other famous bands but it was not enough to get me started to listen to it by myself. This changed when in a pub where people could play their favorite songs, Figure.09, a song from Linkin Park was played. I found it catchy, it grew on me. It was the perfect transition for me thanks to Mike Shinoda, a core member of Linkin Park who can rap, and can do it very well. I was so surprised later to find out that he was also part of the song Remember the name-Fort Minor. Not only that, but he formed Fort Minor. I knew about Linkin Park, but did not know their songs, not even the most popular ones like New Divide or In the end. I knew Numb though, not the original song, but the remix version with Jay-Z. I had it on repeat when I was young and playing a computer game which contained Winter Sports. One of my hobbies is making puzzles, so when I was listening to Figure.09 I left the autoplay open, a thing that I did involuntarily. A day later I was listening to Youtube mixes with all their songs and I began to be impressed by Chester's voice and screams. Even though my mind was busy trying to solve my puzzle, I could notice some of the lyrics. And I found them relatable. In my free time I searched the lyrics of their songs to understand them better. Soon, I became a fan and knew all their songs. Linkin Park got me into rock music. Beside their songs, I also searched interviews and more facts about the band or about Chester. I began to feel very close to the band and was surprised that I could find myself in so many lyrics of their songs. I had found on Youtube a video, a compilation made by a fan with the best live moments of Chester Bennington. I was surprised because I thought tributes are made just for people who are not with us anymore. But he was, and I saw this tribute as the following: he was already a living legend. Sadly...Chester left us in the most painful way possible. I was at my brother's house in Bucharest because I had just finished taking the exam for University there. I live 100 kilometers away. It was night. He was working nightshift. His girlfriend was sitting in the kitchen preparing some food and watching something on her phone. I was minding my own business in the living room watching a football game. Linkin Park had recently released One more light album. I was very happy that day because they also released the video for Talking to myself . Shortly after I had watched the clip, my brother's girlfriend invited me to stay in the kitchen. It was strange to stay both in separate rooms. I left my phone to charge itself. We spend some time together, like twenty minutes, we ate then I went back to the living room. I took my phone and I could not believe what I saw... My newsfeed was filled with the same news: Chester Bennington, the lead singer of the rock band Linkin Park took his life... I thought it cannot be true, many people like me who saw this thought the same. We had often seen this type of fake news. Eminem was reported dead several times. But unfortunately, this was true.

I did not know how to react, I felt like I was in a trance. I had never talked to this person, never even seen him and yet he meant so much to my life. I indeed lost a best friend. He helped millions of people with his lyrics about mental health. His songs became a hundred times more emotional. The strange part and also the one that makes me angry is that he spoke about mental health a lot, through lyrics and interviews. He drew inspiration from his experience and feelings. His struggles with his demons were public. I remember listening to Crawling, and I was also reading the comment section. The top comment was" this must be the edgiest song ever". Back then, I did not know what this word meant. I thought it something like piercing, because of his screams. Later I had found out it is a mocking adjective. I will deal with the terms edgy, cringy, corny and other such negative words later. As I mentioned in the introduction, I rarely posted something on Facebook. I had always kept the thoughts for myself. But writing about this, I remember I wrote something after the sadly departure from this world of Chester Bennington.

20 July, 2017

"I cannot believe it is real, I still hope it is not. It is the first time in my life when a person whom I do not know but who marked my life dies... Thank you a lot, Chester: for the music, lyrics and feelings. Rest in peace."

The next day, this news was everywhere. I read some comments about it. I was stupefied to see how other people think and how much they lack empathy, they were something like this: "He is so selfish, leaving his kids without a father" (as if when you are in that awful mental state you are 100% rational, like you are deciding whether to buy bananas or apples) or "If he, who was rich, did this, what hope can we have, the ones with less money" (as if money can buy mental health). I Found out the title song, One more light was written in the memory of a working friend who passed away. I saw the live of this song at Jimmy Kimmel. Chester was so sad he cried during his performance, but still carried out and finished it. He sang once with a broken wrist a whole concert but being such a sensitive person, I suppose he was way much more hurt when he performed this song. He also was very emotional singing Pushing me away live. One more light was later dedicated to him. Now the video of this song is a tribute for him... an official one. Rest in peace one more time, Chester!

"Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well, I do!" – One more light, Linkin Park