The Loud Mind Of A Quiet Person

Chapter VI-Being an Empath

     I was aware of most of my personality breakthroughs when they happened. I cannot say the same for empathy. I have no idea how I learned that I am one but this matters less. I have seen a lot of articles about the fact that Denmark wants, if it has not done that already, to introduce Empathy as a school subject. Reading the comment sections I saw people praising the idea but at the same time saying that empathy cannot be learned. I disagree. There is inborn empathy and empathy learned over time. Of cours, you can teach a six years old child about empathy. The sooner the better because they learn fast and their innocence is not yet spoiled by the world. Empathy helps you to be kind with other people, with animals and with the nature. You can make a child learn about empathy by presenting the outcomes of his/her actions and by trying to have this question present in their minds: "how would I feel if this happened to me?" This question is good to be asked both before they intend to do something that might affect another person and when somebody is already going through distress. Making this exercise of putting yourself into other's shoes not only makes you aware of others emotions but also makes you think about solutions, about what would make you feel better in this imaginary situation and if these solutions work for that person too. It would be cute to imagine kids thinking like this: "If I was in X's place, I would feel sad too. But doing Y or Z would make me feel better so I will propose him/her to do that after I tell him/her that I imagine how it feels like". Empathy does not work only if you have been through the exact same thing or know somebody that has. Of course, it is very useful to bring experience in this but you can have empathy for a poor person even if you did not go through any single day without eating something. Empathy can be thought, no doubt about it.

Writing these lines, this chorus popped in my head:

In my shoes, just to see
What it'd be like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at s**t through each other's eyes

Eminem-Beautiful (genius.com)

I remember when I was young, my parents told me to pray for them at night. I gladly accepted. Then I thought: "Wait a second. I should pray for my brother too. But these three people are not the only persons I know. I also have friends, cousins, aunts, uncles. I should wish them good too. But what about the people I do not know? They can use my prayers too." In the end, my night prayer sounded something like this" Please, God, create all the best for both all the people I know and for those I do not know". This was the same when I was lighting candles at church too. I was told to pray for the soul of a dear person who was not on this earth anymore and to pray the best would happen for those close to me. But all the dead souls deserve peace and all the existing souls deserve happiness so I prayed for everybody.

I felt earlier the need to make the differences between having anxiety for a specific moment and being anxious in general. The same goes for feeling sad comparing to feeling depressed which is a longer and more complex process. Showing empathy and being an empath are two different things too. Showing empathy is always a sweet gesture. The world needs more of this. Being an empath though is a complex non-stop process. It is a personality trait like being introvert or extrovert. So, how is it like to be an empathic person? Well, being an empath is being aware of the feelings of the others around you. That includes unspoken words because every feeling gives you a message" I am sad, angry, happy, frustrated, nervous etc. "So, since you have access to this world of feelings, your life becomes crowded. You live your life, but you also live parts of others' people life because you feel their emotions. That must be why empaths need a lot of time alone since social interactions for long times leave them drained. I suppose that empathy is the main source of intuition. You are able to read through people's behavior by paying attention to small details or energies. Empathy also means intensity. It makes you a sensitive, deep feeling person. "Small" things can make so happy but they can also make you cry. I am not sure if this is a universal thing for empaths but I always smile when I see kinds or toddlers on the street. The same goes for pets. Empaths are also healers, like some kind of unlicensed shrinks. It makes perfect sense since you want to protect people from feeling sad or being depressed since you know how breaking this can be. This being said, empaths are very generous emotionally. We will give time, all our skills and emotional availability just to know someone is feeling better. Empaths also suffer a lot, most of the times because of others' suffering. How could you not suffer when a family member or close friend is going through some problems? As an empath, you care a lot, whether you like it or not. Empathy requires honesty. This is quite simple. Why would I lie if I would hate being lied to? Some lies can be very damaging so putting others through is never the case. Seeing news about people or animals dying or suffering is terrible. Animals are our equals, it is so sad to see how much damage we provoke to them, directly or indirectly. The Australian bushfires news was such a hard pill to swallow, thinking about all those animals which suffered, died and lost family or home. It saddens me anytime seeing news about people dying. You think about that person, about the life that ended too soon and about the family and close persons' suffering. I would rather get angry seeing news about politics than this. Now, if I think about it, news is news but such tragedies happen whether they are reported or not. To think about how many people die daily from hunger or sadness is heartbreaking.

Being an empath is a huge power. With huge power comes difficulty to control it. Being aware of the existence of empaths is the first thing. The second is to be positive about it and see it as a power, no matter how many times you faced hard times because of it. Empaths must protect their energy and choose very carefully the people from their life. At times it might feel like you are flooded with feelings from left and right. You must learn how to choose what you feel. Emapths are like sponges. Without training, they absorb all. We need to put some barriers though. Some emotions must be felt, even if they are negative. I will never be immune to my parent's pain. But I do not see this as disadvantage that I must correct. In other places though, such as school, high school, university or work place, barriers are much needed. I do not think you can become immune to other's negativity but you can reach to a point where it does not change your mood and leaves fast. Being an empath will always be a work in progress but it is worth all the effort. The better you master empathy, the more positive it becomes. The downsides of being an empath can be terrifying.