The Loud Mind Of A Quiet Person

Relationships

     Having your first relationship your last relationship too is almost impossible these days. I know some exceptions though, people who know each other since high school and ten years later they are married and have or are expecting children. Unfortunately, I feel that the more time passes, the more people become superficial. Today we are in the era of flirting. This process does not make sense to me. I see flirting like a manipulation in order to get what you want. Not to mention you can flirt with multiple persons at the same time like "Let's see if things go well with this one, if not, I have the Plan B and Plan C and basically all of the alphabet's letters". I cannot imagine love, as I see it and presented it, start from flirting. I do not like the term crush either. It is again, a superficial term for me. I would not have problems with these if people would make the difference between love and lust. People say they have crushes on other people they would like to be with because of physical appearance. To be more exact, people have crushes on others because they are hot. This word just objectifies a person. I would never imagine myself calling my partner hot. I do not want to be called in such way either. Of course, you can compliment your partner with phrases like: "I like your hair today" or "That outfit suits you well". Because all of these trends, people try to be as physically attractive as possible leaving behind emotional depth. If you focus to be physical attractive, you will just have more chances when you flirt. Better chances when flirting do not result in better chances of being loved. And it is sad to see that people hate themselves for not having ideal body weight. As far as I am concerned, as long as you do not have health issues because of it, your weight is irrelevant. Sure, it is important to do sport and stay active but you do not need to look like a model to be loved. I thought about this absurd situation where in a couple, after some months, or even few years, one tells the other: "I am sorry, we must break up. We get along well, do not get me wrong, but you put on some weight lately and I do not love you like before". You work on your body for yourself, not to be eye catchy.

Because I am demisexual, I do not have a measure of beauty. At best, I can judge without any emotional involvement a person's appearance by some social standards, something like" Most people would consider this person attractive from a physical point of view" but I cannot say a person is beautiful unless I know the depths of that person. So, nobody is beautiful or ugly to me. I also dislike dating sites, apps or reality shows for the reasons mention above. They are all so shallow from my perspective and very unnatural. You should not be in search of love. You cannot just say to yourself "I want to fall in love, let's see what I can find". If you just want to have one night stands they are ok but rarely people admit they are not looking for something deep and everybody uses the word love. How about people would start analyzing themselves emotionally and see what they can do to become as close as possible to their best versions? People sometimes enter in relationship just to try to fix some wounds from the last relationship. That relationship won't work and that past wound won't heal this way.

I have no idea how this scenario started but it is just what my mind like to do: I thought that if my soulmate died before me, I would not have another romantic relationship, assuming that my heart would literally resist and not fail in a situation like this. Another romantic relationship would feel... unnecessary. Of course, I could use all the platonic love in the world to help me get through such nightmare but real love is very rare and I feel like once I got it, one is enough. I would keep cherish that person that I loved and left the world. I cannot be sure what I would do in such situation. Let's hope I won't ever be put in this scenario that I made. I hope you won't either.