The Loud Mind Of A Quiet Person

Chapter VII-Love

     This is probably the most debatable topic, not only in my book but in life in general. Some people believe in true love, others do not. True love is a pleonasm in my mind though. If this feeling is not true, is not love. The term love has been overused and I feel it has lost its power. Sometimes it feels like love is just a word you must say often because you are in relationship. Do not get me wrong, if you feel like it, say it. To really mean this and say it is lovely, whether is a partner, friend or family member. I thought about our dating system. Dating does not make much sense for me anyway. I know. I am in a huge minority. Should not people really get and know each other before they become a couple? The logic answer we would be: Yes, we are dating other people to know them better. Ok. Now I have another question: What are the reasons you decide to date a person for when you do not know them? It is because of physical attraction. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you decide to date a person because of physical attractiveness, I think it influences how you see the other person's personality. You will be biased. Just because you want things to work out because she/he is hot, does not mean they will. You can be blinded by appearances and ignore personality flaws or chemistry incompatibilities. Also, love, from my point of view, must come naturally. If you date a person, you want to fall in love with that person. But I do not think this works properly. It is another bias. Plus, if you date another person, they cannot know you well, with ups and downs, full package. And you cannot either. Dating to me is like putting on a silver plate all the things that you consider will help you achieving your goal, meaning having good dates and entering in a relationship. You cannot know a person properly through dating. It is also weird for me that you must act like you are a couple, when you are not even friends. You are not in love, but you want to be and you do all things specific for a romantic relationship. Wanting it means forcing it. You cannot just pick persons and hope you will fall in love. All these must be the reason why I clearly do not believe in love at first sight. It makes no sense for me to love a person just from what you see, when you do not know anything about that person. Should not love have finality? What I mean by that is to live together and grow older together. This is really hard. You two must be on the same page, and really care for each other. Love cannot have as foundation a nice face or a nice body. Following my idea so far the next question should be" So how can people get into relationships if not from dating?' The answer is through friendship. Is not this the best case scenario? When love appears from friendship? Friendship is the best foundation. But this friendship must also be natural. In my case, because I am demisexual, this is the only way anyway. There is a popular post on Facebook: "Imagine finding both love and friendship in the same person". Yes, this is very cute. But I have a remark about it: love also mean friendship, if it is not, something is wrong. Should not the person you are in love with be your best friend and your closest person? Of course, you can have multiple friends, or even multiple best friends, if that makes sense. But if you are in relationship where love is involved, your partner should be your best friend, or at least one of your best friends. Otherwise it is as if you are in relationship just because you do not want to be single. You enjoy the romantic stuff typical for relationships but there is no depth. Of course, getting very close to a person to the moment where you have a true connection enough for best friendship but not enough for love it is very risky. Both of you must fall in love with close intensity and at similar time. It is rare and difficult, but if it happens, you won. Thing are being done wrong. Instead of getting in a relationship because you fell in love, you enter in a relationship to fall in love.

What is love for me? I have been thinking about this for a long time. From my point of view, love means caring. It is the best thing you can give to someone-to care. Of course, Facebook is full of articles about how a person who is in love you should behave or things not to tolerate in a relationship or how to fall harder with your partner. They are fine, I guess. But if you really care about another person, you do not need to read anything. All the good things come naturally. It would be unnatural anyway to start doing something in a relationship just because you read it is good to do it to express love. You should have felt like doing it in the first place. Here are some things I thought about and at some points in time felt when you really care for another person.