The next day was even worse.
Waking up in that bed, that fucking bed where me and Ricky fucked, where I told him my secrets felt like hell. Especially because I woke up in it alone.
I knew Ange was asleep in the guest room, Ryan was asleep in the old baby room, Justin ended up going home to his wife and Josh was asleep on the couch.
I stared at Ricky's side of the bed, swallowing and looking at our wedding photo. Before I could swallow the tears, they fell down my face and onto my pillow.
I buried my head in the pillows and let out gut wrenching sobs, choking in air and muttering to myself. Somebody knocked at the bedroom door before opening it. The side of the bed dipped underneath somebody's weight before I felt him rub my back.
"Look, I'll speak to Ricky okay?" Ryan said softly.
"What good w-will that do?" I sobbed, burying my face deeper in the pillows.
"I'll get him to understand, and to realise why you didn't tell him."
"He's coming back up later to grab the rest of his stuff and the kids' stuff." Ryan added, which only made me sob louder. I felt like a heartbroken teenager, and it fucking sucked.
But I was heartbroken. I really fucking was. The front door opened and I heard Ricky's voice ring out. He sounded dead, I realised. Ryan's hand tensed up before relaxing at an alarming rate.
I heard footsteps before someone stood at the doorframe. "Is he okay." Ricky asked coldly. I tensed up and let out a low sob at his voice, pulling the covers over my head.
"Ah not really?"
"Good." Ricky spat bitterly. I heard drawers open and close, boxes getting moved and I peered out from my blanket cocoon to see the bags under his eyes.
He must've noticed me looking because he turned to face me and gave me the darkest glare I'd ever seen.
I pushed the blankets back, and stood to face him with the tears drying up on my face. Ryan decided to leave at some point, leaving me alone with Ricky.
"Why didn't you tell me."
"I wanted the past to be the past. The past should've died, I didn't think it'd affect us..."
"Are you fucking stupid? You didn't think getting a random chick pregnant wouldn't affect us? You're fucking crazy, I don't know why I ever got with you in the first place."
"Fucking LISTEN TO ME YOU ASS!" I snarled, grabbing his arm to make him look at me.
"You don't fucking get it, do you? Get off of my arm otherwise I'll kill you."
"LISTEN! For once, just once, listen to me. I came back to you the first time you broke my heart. Each time you got pissed and flirted with someone else I still stayed around."
"You poisoned my life Chris. And now I'm gonna cut you out of my life, for the sake of my kids. I know I've done bad shit but none of it is anything like what you did to me. Now stay the hell out of my way so I can grab my shit and go."
I let go of his arm and watched him finish packing his bag before he handed me the divorce papers. "I want them signed by the end of the day." I nodded, keeping my head low until he walked out. Ange walked in and sighed before he pulled me into his arms.
"Come on, we'll figure something out."
"He doesn't care. Eleven fucking years down the drain. He couldn't have loved me if he's throwing it away that carelessly."
"CARELESSLY!? YOU DICKHEAD! CANT YOU SEE HOW I FEEL YOU ASS!? I AM FUCKING BROKEN INSIDE AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT." Ricky shouted before walking in and slapping me across the face.
I clenched my hand into fists and kept my jaw clenched, turning my face so he didn't see my tears. "Get out." Ange said in that soft tone that meant he was pissed off. Ricky shrugged and picked up his bags before walking out, slamming the door shut behind him.
Ryan and Josh came up as soon as Ricky was gone, dragging me downstairs so I could 'socialise' and fell better. Like that's gonna make me feel better.
"Get me a pen." I said softly to Ryan, who nodded slowly and handed me one of the many pens I had lying around. I grabbed the divorce papers and paused with the pen hovering over the part where I sign my name.
Did I want to do this? Hell fucking no. Did I have a choice? Not really. Ryan seemed to understand my feelings because he patted my shoulder before squeezing it to show how he supports me no matter what.
I quickly signed the papers and looked at the wedding ring before grabbing it and throwing it out the window. Fuck love. "Send then to Ricky please." I said before walking upstairs.
I glanced at my bedroom before deciding it needed a makeover. I could paint two walls dark blue and the other black, get a new bed with new sheets and new furniture. I could do this, I could remove every single aspect of Ricky from my life.
And I probably would, if I had help.
I knew what I was gonna do. But goddamn it hurt.
