Frank Iero and the Meaning of Life

Chapter Eleven - Dead and Loving It

All of us were immediately handcuffed and marched straight out the door.

I knew for sure by that point that I had actually pissed myself a little; I tried to make small talk with the dracs forcing us along in a futile effort to distract myself from the inevitability of death.

"Hey, man," I said. "Look, there's been a big misunderstanding. I ain't the guy you're looking for."

One of them suddenly pulled out a taser and zapped my right in the ass; I spazzed out and felt a sharp shock of electricity run up my spine.

"Keep it moving!" he said.

I brushed myself off and scoffed. "Jeez, alright," I grumbled. "Who pissed in your drugs?"

Poison then elbowed me in the chest, and I jumped back.

"What was that for?" I said.

"Shut the fuck up," he growled. "Don't say anything and prepare yourself for the worst. They're gonna try and wring all the information out of us as they can...but no matter what, show no fear and don't spill a single word."

I gulped and shivered. "Wring us out...?" I whispered. "Like...torture?"

We were brought into a secret section of the highest floor in the building. Inside, a giant wall of computers stood towering above what looked to be four dentist chairs that were conveniently there for each of us. I shuddered at the thought of being poked and prodded; I also realized just how much deep shit I was in.

We're going to die in this fic, I thought to myself.

Before I could have any time to be existential, the CEO kicked down the door and made an overly dramatic entrance; each of us were strapped into the chairs and forced to gaze upon her weird peacock strut. Ominous background music appeared to play out of nowhere and grew louder as she approached us.

"Well, now," she said. "I've been waiting years for this...for far too long, have you infuriating troglodytes meddled with our pristine idea of perfection. For far too long have you been a foul stain on an otherwise spotless system. For far—"

Suddenly, the music cut out. And then it started skipping.

The CEO slowly turned around and stared at Korse, who fidgeted with the buttons on a boombox.

"Just a second!" he said. "Just some...technical difficulties."

He pressed another button and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star came on. I tried extremely hard to hold in my laughter, but I couldn't quite help myself.

"Korse..." she said. "You're embarrassing me in front of the Four."

He pressed a couple of buttons again, and a cassette tape exploded out from it. He then stood around for a couple of seconds and threw the entire radio on the ground; it shattered into a million pieces and went silent.

"There! I fixed it," he said. "Please, continue your monologue."

The CEO sighed in frustration. "We rehearsed this at least five times this week," she muttered.

Korse began to clean up the mess in front of him. "Sorry, ma'am," he said. "I get stage fright. Just pretend I'm not here!"

She turned around and stared at us with a huge look of disappointment. "As I was saying..." she said.

I interrupted her and snickered uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" she growled.

I then burst out laughing.