Frank Iero and the Meaning of Life

Chapter Fourteen - The Whack Parade

We hurtled out of the other side of the portal, and it launched us into a barren wasteland of a world. Jet put his foot to the breaks and finally slowed us down to a nice hover; that, and he made sure to actually drive forward like a normal person. He spotted a gray, towering cliffside and piloted the car on over to it.

"Jet," said Poison, "watch it...watch it!"

We lightly bumped into the cliffside and lurched forward. "Sorry!" said Jet. "Depth perception..."

He then flew it up a little higher and gently landed it on the ground. The entire gang looked utterly frazzled and fucked up, that is, except for the Girl. My weak little heart finally took a moment to rest, and my legs ached like hell from all the running; but hey. At least I got my cardio in for the week.

"Let's not ever fucking do that again," muttered Poison. We all agreed in unison.

All of us stepped out of the car to stretch and breathe some fresh air. I looked down at my bootleg band, and to my dismay, I saw that the battery was completely drained.

"Ah, shit," I mumbled, "guys, I think we have a problem. Battery needs charging."

Poison walked over to me and stared at my wrist. "Oh, great," he said. "Now we're stuck here."

The Girl, however, still seemed in good spirits and skipped over to him with a big smile on her face.

"At least we didn't die a horrible death!" she said. "Things can always be worse."

Poison looked down at her and cracked a very faint smile; there's no way he could stay mad with her around.

"Well, uh," I said, "where exactly are we?"

Korse pointed out into the distance with a look of fear frozen on his face. "Spooky city," he whispered as his hand trembled.

I stared out at the horizon and saw massive, pitch-black towers sprawling into a dreary, overcast sky; smoke stacks stuck out of them and spewed dark ash into the stormy clouds above them. A chilly wind blew past us and sent a shiver through my whole body; a light snow of ash drifted through the frigid winds and clung to our clothes. I stared down over the cliff and had a miniature heart attack upon seeing how impossibly high up we were. When I felt the strange urge to jump into the thick fog below, I cautiously backed away from the edge and moved closer to Poison.

"What the hell is this?" he said.

The CEO took off her sunglasses and observed the haunting skyline for herself. "I'd say New York city," she said.

"New York City?" said Korse. "I don't know. It's kind of run-down and trashy. It looks more like New Jersey to me."

Alright, then. I see how it is. Time to punch the shit out of baldy.

"What the hell did you say, Mr. Clean?" I growled.

"I mean, it's kind of a really nice place!" he stammered. "If you ignore the...pollution..."

"Alright, that's enough," said Poison. "Does anyone know where the hell we actually are?"

I gazed at the shadowy skyline for a moment, and then I finally figured it out.

"Ah, shit," I muttered. "I know exactly where we are. This is a Black Parade fic...why couldn't we have stayed in that nice little coffee shop AU?"

All of them looked a little confused, and the CEO became nervous. "Is that a bad thing?" she said.

"A little bit," I said. "Just another one of Gerard's terrifying creations...in a terrifying world...full of terrifying characters and death traps around every corner."