Frank Iero and the Meaning of Life

Chapter Twenty-Four - You and What Army?

That night, we celebrated our victory with plenty of alcohol and lots of junk food. All throughout the rebel base was a clamor of noise, smells, and loud emo classics. Quite a few other rebel groups crammed themselves into our tiny base and joined the party; at one point, I saw another shirtless Brendon stand up on the map table and launch off a wine cork into our Brendon's face. None of them could dance for shit, but it was highly entertaining to watch anyway.

Eventually, the music changed to the all-too-familiar bluesy sound of Teenagers. Much to my surprise, Poison got up from his seat, stood on top of the map table next to the shirtless Brendon, and started to sing right along. I wish I had my guitar; pretty soon, everyone began to passionately shout the chorus as if it were the national anthem. I ran up there with Poison, put my arm around him, and began to scream the lyrics as if I didn't have a care in the world.

When the song ended, everyone cheered and pumped their fists in the air. For once in his life, Poison had the biggest smile on his face and looked like he was having a real good time. He motioned towards me to follow him, so I jumped off the table and trailed close behind him as we shoved our way through the tightly-packed crowd. We stumbled into the kitchen, and he poured me another plastic cup of beer to down. He looked like he wanted to say something to me, but before he could, Agent Stump belted out a soulful tune from the bottom of his chest.

"We're all going to d-i-i-i-i-i-i-e!" he sang. Everyone cheered.

"Fuck yeah!" exclaimed Pete.

I rolled my eyes and made my way back into the map room. I stood back up on the table to make myself look taller, and I shouted as loudly as I could to get everyone's attention.

"Hey!" I yelled. "May I have everyone's attention?"

After a few more seconds of chatter, the noise died down and the room went silent.

"Thank you," I said. "I just wanted to make a quick announcement. First of all, is everyone having a good time?!"

The crowd roared.

"Awesome, awesome," I said. "Glad you guys are having fun. However, we must remember that this is a serious rebellion. Once the party's over, all of you have to go back to training yourselves up. Storming the Wattpad Tower isn't going to be easy, and I want to make sure that each and every one of you are ready. Which leads me to my next point...I'd like to interview each and every fic that is here right now! All I want you guys to do is get with your fic, line up behind this table, and answer a few simple questions for me. Can we do that?"

Suddenly, a massive line of people formed and a bunch of folks got trampled.

"Guys, guys!" I shouted. "Single file! Stay organized—oh, never mind."

Agent Stump came over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, Frank?" he said, "what's the purpose of this?"

"I'm trying to see what special skills this group has," I said. "We can't just train these guys like they're all the same. Each and every one of them might have a special power or weird quirk that could be useful in battle. I want to make sure we're taking advantage of every single thing we've got under our belt."

"Ah," said Patrick, "good thinking."

The first person in line was, of course, another goddamn Revenge era vampire Gerard with bags under his eyes. He stared into my soul with a lifeless expression and brooded silently.

"Hello there," I said. "What fic are you from?"

"Vampire AU," he grumbled. "Dead and loving it."