Frank Iero and the Meaning of Life

Chapter Twenty-Seven - The Battle of Wattpad

Just a few hours later, I got myself into my snazzy uniform and traveled back to the Black Parade fic to assemble my glorious army. When I stepped through the portal, I found myself in front of the office-cathedral again; and sure enough, my massive army was waiting there for me in perfect formation. I didn't feel intimidated by them anymore. Hell, I didn't even feel afraid anymore. All I felt was pure rage and confidence that boiled within me like a lava flow. I stepped up behind the podium and raised my right hand up into the sky; the rest of the army did exactly the same and saluted me.

"ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL!"

"My god," I announced, "you rat bastards look fucking terrific today."

"ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL!"

"Now that's what I like to hear!" I exclaimed.

"ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL!"

"Uh...you don't have to say that every single time I breathe."

"All hail—" said a voice.

Everyone stared at him.

"Thank you," I said. "My men...my glorious army, the hour of battle is upon us! In exactly five minutes, the CEO and Korse will temporarily shut down Wattpad's defenses from the inside. That means we will have a limited window of time to travel from the Emo Pavilion to the Wattpad Tower. I want you to move fast. I want you to haul ass. Most importantly, I want you to destroy any disabled military police unit if you see it, because once they come back online...they will do everything to eliminate all threats."

A church bell rang out from the office-cathedral and sent a booming sound across the land. Then, another portal opened up; the iconic flying trans-am rolled out of it with Poison at the wheel, Jet in the passenger's seat, Bert in the back, and Sandwich Gerard next to him. Of course, the two of them held hands while Sandwich Gerard smiled like a lovestruck idiot.

I walked over to Poison, and he rolled the window down.

"You ready?" he said.

I nodded. "Jet," I said, "you're on mom duty. Chinese fire drill with me and go protect the Girl."

"Yes, sir," said Jet.

Jet climbed out of the passenger seat and went to the second pair of back seats; I then got into the passenger seat and felt an immense amount of power surge through me as I put my hand on the laser defense system stick. They don't call it riding shotgun for nothing.

Poison switched the car from ground mode to flight mode, and we slowly ascended into the air. I took one last good look at my mighty army; every single one of them stared at me, ready to follow any command. I rolled down the window, aimed my bootleg band in front of the ground troops, and ripped a giant portal open. After that, Poison flew the trans-am up into the sky near the aerial troops; I tore open another huge portal in front of them. Finally, we flew over to the inky-black sea close by, and I opened one last enormous portal for the readied ships.

We took our position in the very front of the aerial troops, and I anxiously waited for the CEO to ring up my bootleg band. The only sound that swept across the land was the sound of the gargantuan Black Parade zeppelins next to us; pure anticipation caused a near silence to sit upon every single troop as the ringing church bells cried out into the stormy skies brewing above us.

GONG...

I glanced down at my band.

GONG...

I took a deep breath.

GONG...

I looked over at Poison. He gazed into my eyes.