Panic Room || Jughead Jones

How to Get Away with Murder // Part Three

tw// talks of death, dark themes

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My apartment wasn't empty. Reggie and Felicity were on my couch. Veronica was in the guest bedroom even though I didn't want her to be. Cheryl and Toni had just left. My bedroom was cold. The balcony door was open and I was outside in the rain. Sitting. Mocha was asleep on my bed. It was silent, dark.

I had volunteered to go with FP to the morgue to identify his body. Of course, I was denied. Betty and Archie went instead which was another nail in the coffin of my relationship. It was supposed to be me going there, to see him one last time. Betty was taking everything from me. She already had.

I didn't even get to say goodbye. There was no goodbye, no I love you, nothing. It was almost like we didn't exist together, like I had never been there, like I had never loved him. But I did, and I had been there, I'd been there for everything, for every moment. None of it mattered now, not anyway.

"What are you doing out here?" Reggie's voice was gentle as he stood in the door frame watching me play with the puddle at my feet. I looked up at him, my wet hair falling in my face as I took in his pajamas and wide-awake appearance.

"You should be asleep," I replied, avoiding his question. Thunder rumbled from somewhere in the sky as I glanced through the balcony railing at the sopping grass below.

"So should you," Reggie countered as he continued to watch me closely. "Come on, Savanna. Don't do this to yourself."

I shook my head and laughed. "What else am I supposed to do, Reggie? There's nothing left. Nothing. He's gone." I refused to say his name, figuring it would save me from the pain associated with it. "What is there left for me to do?"

Reggie ignored my pity party and pulled his socks off before stepping out onto the balcony with me to sit down. I glanced over at him before looking back down at the puddle of water in front of me.

"You're gonna get all soaked."

"I'm not going to let you do this alone."

I looked up at him in surprise. Reggie had never been one to be so empathetic. Sure, he had his moments, but they usually came with a price or a returned favor. I never expected him to be this way towards me.

"Savanna, losing someone close to you isn't easy. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to let you sit here and slowly kill yourself until you end up just like Jug-"

"Please don't say his name," I whispered as I pulled my knees to my chest.

"You cannot make yourself emotionally unavailable to grief," Reggie continued to reason, "It makes moving on so much harder, okay? Don't block us out. Even if you want to block me out, fine, but don't shun your sister and Felicity. You have to confide in someone, Savanna, or your mind is going to collapse on itself."

I sighed and rested my head on my knees. This was so hard. "Why do you care?" I mumbled the question on my mind. I had so many questions in my head.

"Why wouldn't I?" He retaliated as he tried to fix his hair from falling in his face. "Savanna, I know we've had a lot of rough moments, but I do consider you as a friend and I never want a friend to go through something like this. I'm gonna help you, whether you want me to or not."

"What are you two doing?" Veronica interrupted my silence as she stood in my room and looked out at us.

"Talking, go away," I commented as I faced away from her to look back at Reggie.

She must've moved closer because her voice was louder than before. "Can I talk to you?"

"Not without Reggie, no."

I could almost feel her rolling her eyes even though I couldn't see her. "Fine. Hermosa and I spoke. We're going to present to Daddy the idea of being co-owners of his estate. We want you to do it with us."

"Nope," I replied instantly before finally looking over at her. "Who knows what else you'll lie to me about that too."

"I didn't lie to you!" She defended, "Savanna, I knew as little as you did about where Jughead was! I didn't see him at the party, I didn't know where he was, and I surely didn't lie to you about what I knew from that night! I'm sorry Jughead isn't here. I wish you didn't have to go through this, but I can't bring him back, and it's not my fault that he's gone."

"Stop talking about him!" I screamed as I hit my hands against the balcony. "Stop, okay? Enough. You hurt my feelings. You betrayed my trust, and whatever threesome is going on between you, Betty, and Archie needs to stay the hell out of my life because you've ruined it enough, okay? Stop lying, Veronica. And if you're not lying, quit hiding the truth because it's hurting more than helping. Got it?"

I got off the ground to stomp around her and run into the bathroom before flopping on the cold tile floor. I let out a loud scream of frustration as I tugged at my hair. Looking up, the reflection in the mirror seemed so familiar yet terrifying. The pale skin, sunken in eyes, dirty hair and clothes that hadn't been changed in days. I was staring at myself, or what was supposed to be my old self, the one that was struggling to keep her head up and find a reason to keep going yet this was me. This was senior-year me, on the path to graduate next to my sister, boyfriend, and best friends.

That's what was supposed to happen, yet here I am, staring at the mirror, wondering if I'll ever leave my apartment again. My dog whined behind the door of the bathroom, paws scratching the wood for attention.

I sniffled, my wet sleeve covered hands moving to wipe my eyes for the countless time in the past few days. This was exhausting. Living, breathing. I was tired. For the first time in the seven years since I had been saved from my father, I was giving up hope.

He was gone, and I was going to have to learn how to live without him.

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