Savanna feels like there's nothing that can surprise her anymore after living in Riverdale. The town with pep certainly still has a few tricks up its sleeve including an anonymous camera man, a castle-school full of pretentious teenagers waiting to...
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t/w: mentions of depression/suicide, pls read with caution!
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"Hey."
The car had been relatively quiet for twenty minutes as I sat curled up in the driver's seat. I couldn't bring myself to leave when things slowly started to wrap up and resorted to slipping out to the fresh air and the comfort of my music through the speakers.
My chest was burning as I held my breath, hoping I'd either pass out from lack of oxygen or just disappear altogether. I was at a loss for what to do next. I had nobody to go home to, my family practically didn't exist, the majority of my friends were in on a huge lie, and there just was no point. As much as I wanted to act like nothing happened, that wasn't true.
Despite what I wanted to say, Jughead slid into the passenger seat even though I wanted to let out the most heart-wrenching scream. There was so much pain built up in my head and it hurt. My heart physically hurt like it was being broken into little pieces and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"You need to breathe."
"Don't fucking tell me what to do!" I gasped out and slammed my head against the seat behind me. My hands were clenched so tightly I knew my skin was breaking beneath my nails. My eyes were closed just as tight as I fought to put air in my lungs and not choke on my tears. I would do anything, anything to get rid of this feeling.
It was a weird feeling to go through waves of steady emotion to a plummeting downfall. Just when you thought you'd cried all your tears, there's suddenly an influx that hasn't even been broken into. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
"Savanna, look at me."
I shook my head, making a point to turn away from him. His hand moved to my knee to which I quickly smacked away, his touch practically burning the skin beneath my clothes. I pushed my head back further into the headrest and faced forward as I finally forced my eyes open.
"I..." I huffed out a breath and tried to speak somewhat normally. "I love you. I love you so much that I can't even put it into words and you...you threw all of that away over three kids with a vengeance to fill. I lost friends, I lost my sister, and I lost you. I know I've said that. So, I sat in that classroom and put on my best act because, despite the hell that you put me through, I still love you. And it fucking hurts, Jughead!" I turned toward him as my voice cracked and tears fell from my eyes.
"It fucking hurts to love someone who clearly had no problem putting me through so much pain! It's like gasping for air that won't fill the burn in your lungs and-and..." I paused to take a shaky breath. "It probably doesn't even make sense to you. To feel so unwanted, so unloved that even the most important people in your life don't blink an eye at the idea of volunteering you to suffer to solve an unnecessary murder mystery."
