The Breakup [brollins]

thirty-nine

As the days went by, I realized avoiding Seth wasn't as easy as I thought. We were still traveling together, and we were always in the same work environment. Whenever we were in the same room, I always felt his eyes on me. I felt myself always gripping onto whatever was in front of me and wanting to run into a dark corner that didn't exist.

Right now, I was trying to have a conversation with Renee Young, but all I could focus on was Seth's stare from across the room. Once Renee left, Seth made his way over towards me. I stayed where I was, feeling like my feet were stuck in cement for some reason.

Why God?

I slowly raised my head once Seth reached me. Today he was wearing a blue jacket instead of black. It looked cute on him and I felt an urge to hug him, but my cemented feet stayed put. Seth had a somewhat confused look on his face with a slight frown that made my heart leap out of my chest.

"What's going on with you?" He asked me, his voice almost whispered. It was clear that he didn't have a guess as to what was wrong. I somehow couldn't find the words to respond. I was tired of telling him to leave me alone because nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong.

"I think it's obvious she wants you to leave her alone," someone said next to us all of a sudden. I looked over, realizing that Randy was standing next to us. I felt a hint of fear as the two men stared each other down.

"Can you stop interfering with me and my girlfriend?" Seth said back in a threatening tone.

His use of words made me turn my head towards him so quickly that my neck could have snapped off. Seth had never referred to me as his girlfriend before. We never said out loud we were official, and he never asked me. In my head, he was my boyfriend, but I guess I didn't think we were dating out loud. And after that strange text I got, I was slightly annoyed with Seth for absolutely no reason.

"Your girlfriend?" I repeated back to Seth. His jaw clenched. "I'm not your official girlfriend," I said, causing a deep frown to appear on his face.

I heard Randy laugh on the sidelines as he gave Seth his winning stare. "Well, that proves my point! Leave her alone, Seth."

"Remind me how you're relevant?" Seth snapped back, evidently tired of Randy's comments. Normally I would have internally laughed at Seth's comebacks and rude comments, but for once I appreciated Randy trying to help.

"Please don't be rude to Randy. He's not doing anything wrong," I said quickly, getting a surprised facial expression from both boys. "This time," I finished.

Seth gave me a somewhat shocked glance, seeming to lose his cool for the first time in his life. He opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't find any words. Randy scoffed and walked away. I looked back at Seth and he was playing with the bottom of his blue jacket.

"I didn't mean girlfriend, like, in that way," he said, a somewhat defeated look in his eyes.

I looked away as I felt an urge to start crying. I was the kind of person that cried out of frustration, but he didn't need to know that. "Of course," I reply, the sarcasm in my tone stronger than anticipated.

"What do you mean of course?" He asked me, clearly having picked up on the sarcasm with a confused look on his face.

I continued looking away from him and shook my head. "You never mean it," I said, trying my best not to feel bad for my accusation.

He replied with a shocked look on his face as if he couldn't believe the conversation we were having. To be honest, I was just as shocked.

I blinked quickly to get rid of the tears forming in my eyes. I managed to look at him, noticing that even during a conversation that confused, angered, and saddened him, he still looked like an angel.

"Do you care about this?" I asked him, motioning my finger between us. His frown deepened. "It just rarely seems like you do."

"I don't think I'm the one that doesn't care right now," he hissed back, causing my heart to fall to my stomach. What he said kind of made sense, but I had every right to take time to myself after the questionable texts and Seth's confusing attitude towards me 24/7.

"Don't say that, Seth," was all I managed to say without saying something I would regret. "I'm just exhausted," I whispered to myself, which was not a lie whatsoever.

"What?" He said in more of a statement than a question.

"I said I'm just exhausted," I snapped back without meaning to, "it doesn't feel real when we're with each other," I explained. I slowly began to realize that I couldn't see much of a future with Seth. "And I don't want it to be just a dream."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong with dreaming? Isn't that a good thing?" He questioned, not surprising me at all. I wanted it to be serious, if it was going to be anything at all.

"You don't seem to see the issue," I replied quickly, "I care about you, I fell for you, yet I can't keep up with you. You're unpredictable and you think this is a dream, but you need to wake up," I said, starting to feel tears form in my eyes again. "I don't want to care, or fall for you. I don't want to keep up with your games anymore. I know I'll just get hurt in the end," I confessed.

He took a second to think about the words I just said. "That isn't true, Rebecca," he said in the end, his shortness making me want to scream.

"You know that's the truth," I said, wanting him to truly understand how it feels. "We're too different, and this should have never happened."

"But it did happen, and-"

I shook my head and quickly interrupted him. "And it was a mistake."

He suddenly shot me a suspicious glance and I only wished he saw it from my perspective. "Where is all this coming from?" He asked, taking a step closer to me.

I still didn't think it was right to tell him about the texts. To be honest, it was about more than just the texts. I was truly tired of this dream. "I just want to be left alone from now on. Please?"

"Do you want Randy back or something? Because I saw the way you were defending him and-"

"Excuse me?" I muttered out, not believing he would say such a thing. I also couldn't believe that he was thinking that the reason I was doing this was because I liked someone else. "I'm leaving," I decided, not wanting to deal with the conversation anymore.

I managed to slide my way past him, making my way through catering as many other superstars stared at me.