Nightmares

Chapter thirty-two: Carter

Was he pulling a trick? I trusted this guy less than I could throw him. I wasn't sure I trusted his motives for telling her he loved her. But was it really a feeling, or was it just jealousy? Was this feeling of unease because I knew I had competition or was it because I wanted to protect Harper from whatever danger he could drag her into? And who was I to talk about danger when I still hadn't outrun my demons that could endanger us both?

I had to sit back. Harper wouldn't appreciate it if I got too...'overprotective' with her. As she said, she was a 'big girl who could make her own decisions' whatever that meant. Decisions on what? Honestly, I was a little scared of her. She was so reckless, so unpredictable in who she trusted and who she let in. I didn't want her to get hurt by trusting the wrong people.

She had to make the decisions by herself; but I needed to be there in the background to pick her up when she fell because of them, even if she didn't want my help.

~*~

Walking through the park, I wanted to call her. Tell her not to trust everything anyone says. But wasn't it better that she learnt it for herself, rather than someone telling her how the real world was? Would it have been easier for you if you had known? I blocked out that thought. My situation was completely different. Her life isn't necessarily in danger like mine was.

But your life shouldn't have to be put in danger to realise what the real world is like. Shouldn't she be prepared? A voice asked me.

She couldn't be prepared for this. The real world isn't something you can prepare for. I sighed. I would just have to do my best to protect her from a distance. If she fell down, I just had to make sure I was close enough to catch her, that's all.

Right now, I had my own problems to worry about. I hid in the alleyway, waiting. Waiting for him to pop up and give me what I needed so I could be on my way.

I checked over my shoulder, remembering his creepy habit of standing right behind me and making all the hairs on the back of my neck prickle with fear. Nothing, I shivered.

"Looking for me?" He said.

I turned to see the smirk on his face. Did he take pleasure in making me freak out?

I just nodded once in acknowledgement. Waiting.

His smirk widened and he handed me the package. I peeked at the contents to make sure that it was what I needed. I grimaced at the contents and reassured myself that I would get rid of it once the job was done.

"Lose it and you owe me an extra three hundred more than it took to get it." He muttered. "What's wrong with the ones you have at home?" 

"And have the next meal taste of human flesh? No thanks." I mumbled. 

He shrugged. "Whatever. Don't lose it, okay?" 

I nodded. 

 Holding the box in my hands, carefully, scared to think of what the contents could do. I slipped the box under my coat and gave him the five hundred he wanted. He gave a nod of acknowledgement and left.

With shaking hands, I hid the box under layers of my coat, making sure none of it was visible. Knowing I would be as good as dead if caught with it on the streets. I had to find a safe place for it before I was caught. Leaving the alleyway, I remained as calm as possible, keeping all traces of fear and anxiety off my face. Heaven knows, I was good at it.

How had my life got to a point where I might actually need the contents of the box I was now holding?

I thought of his face and remembered why I had this. I needed to protect myself, better than I had done in the past. And whilst it could be the most dangerous and stupidest decision I had ever made. It was probably the best one. Under these circumstances, it was better to be safe than sorry. Or in my case, dead.

With this, I could properly protect myself and Harper from danger. I could keep us safe. We'd be safe. And that was all that mattered.

Funny how she was all that mattered to me now. A few years ago, I thought the only thing that mattered to me was gone. I thought I had lost her forever, and whilst she was still gone, I was still living, and now I had something worth fighting for.

So why was I still having nightmares? I thought I'd locked them away, somewhere they couldn't hurt me, but they were still haunting me. And all I could do was pretend they didn't exist. All I could do was fight them off and stay awake so they couldn't hurt me.

My memories weren't as easy to erase as I had hoped.

If they were, I wondered if I would need this box right now? Would I still need this? Would I still have met Harper?

Did everything happen for a reason?

All I knew was I needed to protect Harper. I needed to protect her. More than I had ever needed anything in my entire life. I had already lost so much; I didn't want to lose her as well. I wasn't sure I could ever repay the debt if she was taken from me.

Play your cards right, and you won't have to. I reminded myself. So long as you're careful, everything will be okay. I promise. Shame I wasn't sure I believed in promises.

Thinking about the box under my coat, I wasn't sure if it meant I had lost my faith in the world. Or if I had just found it. And I was scared of using it to protect her, but I also knew that if needed, I would do it in an instant. To protect her, to keep her safe, I would do anything.

What do you think is in the box? 

See you next week,

K