Nightmares

Chapter thirty-nine: Carter

I know I messed up. I shouldn't have snapped at her and been so sarcastic, she was just worried about me. Why was my automatic response to concerned words, annoyance and cruelty? She didn't deserve this. I should have done better. If I lo–cared for her the way I did, why did I keep pushing her away?

I needed to tell her. I needed to decide what she meant to me and tell her. Or else I could lose her. I could lose her to someone like Danny. Someone I didn't know. Someone I didn't trust. Not that that would be difficult. I didn't trust anyone, so unless she was with me, I would never really be happy.

If she was with me, she would be safe, wouldn't she?

I thought about the knife in my room. Thought about the times I had had to escape the demons in my life. Would she really be safe with me? If I was running to get away from my demons, she would have to as well, and I wasn't sure if she would be fast enough to escape them. Wasn't sure if she would actually be willing to stay and escape them with me.

If she was going to be a part of my life, then I would have to train her. She would have to learn to run, because if she came into my life, her life would depend on it. I could show her that the night was beautiful, but I would also have to prepare her for the dangers too. And a part of me wasn't ready to risk her coming in for fear that I might lose her.

I can handle your emotions. She had said. That might be true, but what about all the other stuff? The stuff that made me who I am. The stuff that I had to fight to survive. What about all the stuff she hadn't seen? All the stuff I was going to try and keep from her, even if it hurt? My emotions weren't everything, like she seemed to think they were.

And there was one other problem. What about Danny? The itch I felt when I was around him isn't just due to jealousy. I knew this. I believed this now. There was something about him. Something dark. Something secret. Something he didn't want anyone else to know. Especially not her. And I had to find out what it was before he struck. I knew it was coming, and if I wasn't careful, he would get me first. And he would get Harper. I couldn't let that happen.

Why was everyone out to get us? First him, now Danny. Why couldn't they just leave us alone?

And he was still in the back of my mind. He wouldn't leave me alone. He was there. He was waiting. And I had to be prepared before he struck.

He whispered to me at night, warning me of his presence. I knew it was just a nightmare, but you shouldn't overlook these things. I had learnt from my mistakes.

And now? Now I was just hoping when the time comes, I can protect Harper. I can protect her better than I protected my thirteen-year-old self. I just had to believe I could, that's all. I thought about the knife again. I would use it. If I needed to, I would use it. To protect her, I would do anything.

I needed to find a way to protect her. If she was near me, then she would get hurt, I just had to make sure that she wasn't close enough to get hurt. I had to protect her. If I couldn't do anything else right in my life, I had to protect her. I'd do whatever it takes. Even if it meant doing something irreversible, like using the knife I had brought to protect her from him. So long as she was safe, I didn't mind if I went down too. If my last breath was one second after his, my life would be complete.

But if possible, I would take him down with minimum damage to my family. He wasn't taking away anything else. I had lost more than enough to that man. He took my faith, my hope, my trust in myself. And now it seemed Danny was out to do the same. He may not mean to; but he was trying to take Harper away from me. And I'd be damned if I was going to let that happen.

~*~

I went for a walk to clear my head of what had happened. I needed to calm down, before I did something stupid. In the park, I smiled to myself briefly. The park was one of my favourite places to be. It held so many memories, some bad, but the majority of them were good. I remembered going on the swings with Harper, looking at the stars with Harper. Holding Harper on the bench. There were lots of memories of me and Harper.

A rustle of leaves made me turn my head and I thought about the knife in my pocket that calmed me down. Of course, I couldn't use it considering it was daylight and I would be seen instantly, but the thought was enough to soothe my jumpy heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." That boy again. Jake.

"What do you want?" I snarled. Turning around to face him.

"Whoa, calm down, mate. I don't mean any harm."

I didn't know that.

"Leave me alone." I snapped. "I don't like it when people startle me."

"Sorry man."

"Get lost." I scowled. "And stay away from Harper."

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't trust you."

"You don't seem like the type to trust anyone." He observed.

With good reason. I thought. I've had a past you couldn't even imagine.

"With good reason." I told him simply.

He nodded slowly. Why was he so trusting? So accepting of the fact I hated his guts? I hated most people's guts, true. But most of them hated my guts back. Not many li– tolerated me like he did. He didn't like me, did he? He couldn't. No one ever liked me. Except Harper. And maybe my mum.

Something about him...unsettled me. I couldn't explain it. I shifted myself so I was out of his reach. I didn't want him near me. Was it just my natural tendency to distrust everyone? Or was there something else? With him? I didn't know. I honestly didn't know.

"You should chill out." He said.

"Don't tell me what to do." I snapped. "Just stay away from me and Harper and we won't have a problem."

He sighed. "We don't have a problem now. You're just making things hard for yourself."

"Don't pretend to know me." I snapped. "Just leave me and Harper alone."

I stalked away from him and thought about my distrust for people. There must be something I could do to regain my faith in people again. It couldn't be lost forever...could it?

Ouch, someone's feeling prickly.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter everyone. Bye.