Nightmares

Chapter thirty-seven: Carter

I blinked awake as a noise crept closer to my bed. Opening my eyes, I saw him. How did he get in here? In a blind panic, I reached for the knife under my pillow. Holding it out, I cursed myself for being in such a vulnerable position. If he came any closer...

"Hello there." His low, creepy voice crept into my mind and I gripped the hilt of the knife tighter.

The devil from my nightmare was back.

"What do you want?" I whispered, raising the knife pathetically.

He laughed. "Oh don't worry about disturbing anyone. She's already gone."

Mum. Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away. I couldn't let him see me weak. I couldn't let him win.

"Oh and Carter?" I looked up at his sadistic face. He was smiling like this was the funniest joke he'd heard in a while. Leaning close to me, I flinched.

"She's next." His breath smelt of cigarettes.

Not Harper.

I raised the knife and stabbed him in the stomach. He wasn't getting Harper. No one was getting to her. Not on my watch. Tears in my eyes, I watched as he fell to the ground, stunned. He didn't think I could do it.

Rage flashed in his eyes; but it was hard to see through the tears blurring my vision. Running to Mum's room, I saw her lifeless figure on the bed.

Falling to my knees, I sobbed uncontrollably. I was meant to protect her. And now? Now I was all alone. An orphan. With no one in the world who cared about me.

Apart from her.

I ran, ran out of the house. Away from him. Away from Mum. Running to the only place I would be safe. Running to all I had left in the world.

~*~

I woke up drenched in sweat and shaking.

"Carter? Cart? Are you alright?" Mum said, sitting on the bed next to me and pulling me into a hug. I collapsed into her embrace, trying to control my breathing. Eventually my sobs subsided, and I just shook in her arms.

"It's okay. You're okay." Mum soothed.

"Mum." I choked out, my voice breaking on that one word. Still trying to wrap my head around the dream.

"Shh. Baby, it's okay." She told me. "Come on, let's get you some water."

I followed her numbly down the stairs and sank into a chair as she gave me a glass of water and some pills. With trembling fingers, I raised the glass to my lips and swallowed down my tablets obediently, trying not to choke. Mum rubbed my back gently, trying to soothe my broken soul.

A soul he had broken. I wondered, when he had thrown my delicate soul down to the pits of hell, had he smiled? Had he congratulated himself when he heard the shatter of glass when it hit the bottom?

Then again, I fell so far, he was probably too far away to hear it smash.

Or maybe, just maybe, my soul wasn't broken after all? Maybe it was still falling, and Harper was waiting at the bottom to catch it?

If that was the case, I just hoped she was strong enough to hold together the cracks in my life as we tried to fix each other before it was too late.

I drank the water to soothe my parched throat. It was dry from the screaming that had woken Mum up. "Sorry I woke you up Mum." I told her.

"It's not your fault sweetie. Don't worry." She soothed.

"Why do I still get these nightmares?" I asked. "After all these years, why do I still get the same nightmares?"

She shrugged sympathetically. "I guess you haven't dealt with the past yet."

If I did that, would I survive?

"How do I deal with the past?" I asked her.

She shrugged again. "I don't know."

I sighed; how did I deal with my past? If only it was as easy as forgetting it ever happened, then I would do that. But I couldn't. So I guess I would have to just accept it. But I wasn't sure I could do that either. And even if I did...how could I move on without someone to help me through the rain?

I sighed. "Mum?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know you loved Dad?" I asked her softly.

She studied me.

"I don't know. I guess I just...knew." She replied.

"But how did you know? What did it feel like?" I persisted. There had to be an answer.

She leaned back and thought for a minute. "It felt like he was the most important person in my life." She started. "I would smile when he came into the room, and when he was hurt, I hurt too. It's strange, but I could see myself reflected in his eyes. The better half of me. When we got married, it felt like I had found a piece of me I didn't even know I had been missing." She tried to explain.

Was that why I felt whole around her?

"Why, honey?" She asked.

"Because I've never been in love before and I don't know if what I feel for Harper is love." I told her.

"And is it?"

I smiled softly. "I think so."

She smiled back at me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Then maybe you should tell her that then."

"How do you tell someone that?" I asked her.

"There are many different ways people show their love and affection, honey. You just have to find a way that expresses the type of love you have for her." She told me.

"Which is?"

She chuckled. "Only you know the answer to that, honey."

Does anybody know the answer to Carter's question? Let me know your thoughts.  I love how I'm writing these author's notes and yet I don't even know if people are bothering to read them. Do people actually read the author's notes or are they a waste of time? 

Anyway, see you soon, I guess. I might update more often next week because I have a whole week off to do as I please. I'm busy visiting universities over the next week or two. Bye for now. K