Nightmares

Chapter thirty-six: Harper

A cloud of smoke blocked my vision. Breathing out, I tried to think of positive things as a cloud of depression started to sink over me. I got them occasionally. Depressive periods that I would sit out either in my room with a cigarette, or with Carlos, reading books or doing jigsaws with him to distract myself.

Today, I just wanted to cry. But it was okay, because I knew it wouldn't last forever. I didn't. This would pass. It wouldn't. If only I could make myself believe the lies I told myself. I wanted to pretend these periods of my life would pass, but they never did. Every time I thought I was getting better; another period would come crashing down in my life.

Sneaking out of the house, I went to see Danny. He knew how to handle me better during these periods than either of my parents. But I knew if I asked Mum, she would just get overprotective and tell me to stay with her. I didn't want to stay with her. It sounds selfish, and I hate that, but...Mum just fusses too much; and I feel coddled. I don't want to be coddled. I just want someone to be with me through the period without too much fuss. That's why Danny was the perfect person to see when I felt low. He would give me ice-cream and allow me to put a movie on without asking if I felt okay.

Lighting a cigarette, I took a few deep inhales as tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision. I needed someone to hold me and tell me things would be okay. Doesn't everyone need someone like that? Someone to remind them that they are worth something to someone?

I needed to believe in something. In someone. I needed faith in something. But I wasn't sure what to put my faith in. Religion wasn't really me. I was Christian, according to my parents, but I didn't know what that really meant to me. I'd been christened as a baby, but we didn't go to church or say prayers or anything like that. Besides, it felt wrong to say this, but I wasn't sure I believed in God.

I needed someone else to believe in. And I wondered if I could believe in love one day. Thinking of Carter, that could be possible. But I wasn't sure I could bring myself to love him just yet. Not just yet.

Danny opened the door and took me in his arms. I didn't have to say anything, he took my hand and led me to the living room.

"Cake or strawberry ice-cream?" He asked.

I thought for a minute and he chuckled.

"Or both?"

"Both please." I said with puppy eyes.

He chuckled. "Be back in a minute."

He left the room and I switched on the TV to put Netflix on. He re-entered and I took the ice-cream off him immediately.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked through a mouthful of ice-cream.

He laughed, "That's an attractive look." He said with a smirk.

I wiped away the ice-cream drool off my chin and swallowed whilst he flicked through the shows until he landed on a movie.

"Five Feet Apart?" He asked.

"Okay. I love this one." I said, snuggling next to him and taking a bite of ice-cream. He took a spoon and took some ice-cream before I stabbed him with the spoon.

"Owww." He whined, popping the ice-cream in his mouth, and I smiled at him.

We watched the movie cuddled next to each other. At some point, Danny put his arm around me, and we cuddled each other for comfort.

I did love him. But I wasn't sure I could be in love with him. But at moments like these? Moments like these made me think that anything could happen.

Aww, I love this chapter--well, I'm the author so I love all the chapters--but I particularly love the sweetness of this one. Sorry it's so short but to make up for it, I've got another one to post as well. I'll try and update more because it's half-term now, but I'm busy looking at universities at the moment so I'll have to spend a lot of time figuring that out. Can't believe I'm going to be eighteen in December, this year's gone faster than I realised. 

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your thoughts. And also, if you like the book don't be shy to drop a vote or comment. I usually reply. See you soon. K