It's That Biker Chick

[30] Just One More Question

[Chapter 30]
Just One More Question

     Leo was utterly speechless.

     Throughout the entire time I was talking, he didn't let out a single word, and neither did he ever shift his gaze away from me while he was listening. With his chin in the palm of his hand and his whole body turned towards me, it proved just how much his attention was on me and how he was hanging on to every word I was saying.

     I held his other hand in mine, only ever feeling him squeeze my hand in comfort when I got to the hardest part of the story and I got all choked up, causing my voice to start to crack. His hazel eyes, loving as ever, looked into mine sympathetically and remained silent as he patiently waited for me to gather my composure, even telling me that I didn't have to continue if I didn't want to.

     But I wanted to, and I did.

     And now that I was finished with the story, Leo hasn't said a word since. Although as we sat in silence, our hands were still in tact as he gently rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand every few minutes or so. He stared at the midnight view that the hill presented before us, as he took his time to process everything. I knew Leo's not one to judge someone based on their background or past, considering how he treated me no differently when he found out how loaded my dad was or that George was my godfather.

     I was still nervous to the core though.

     It was the first time I've ever confided in someone, other than my childhood therapist, about the past that I've been so afraid to show, and it was absolutely nerve-racking. I've always thought that if I told people about my past, that they would judge me and be scared off somehow, or maybe it was just the trauma my dad left me with — at least that's what my therapist had told me. But it feels right with Leo somehow, and I bet it will be too when I finally tell Kathryn about it.

     "I'm sorry."

     I snapped out of my own thoughts when I heard Leo's voice pierce through the silence that fell upon us when I had finished talking. I turned to look at him, to see him staring down at his lap with a small frown as he gave my hand a tight squeeze.

     "I'm so sorry that your mom had to go through that. I'm sorry that you had to go through that." He pulled his hand away from mine as he roughly rubbed his face. "I can't believe you've felt this alone almost all your life. I just wish I could've been there for you." He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as his frown deepened.

     I scooted closer to him and closed the gap that was between us, my side now completely pressed against his and brought his hand back down so I could hold it. "Hey, look at me." I tilted my head so that I could see his whole face, and his guilt-ridden eyes gradually met mine. "It's not like you knew, and it's not like you could've done anything — we didn't even know each other back then." I patted his hand softly in assurance.

     I sighed. "Cancer's just a bitch." I let out a humourless chuckle as I shook my head.

     "No, it's not just that." Leo quickly blurted out, causing me to turn cheek to face him again. His eyebrows furrowed together as he stared at me with his hazel eyes, which used to remind me of pools of honey, but all I see in them now is guilt and despair. "I hate the way I acted throughout the entire situation with Michelle. Even if she was an old friend, I never should've jumped to conclusions like that. But I did, and I ended up hurting you. I'm sorry I've ever doubted you, I'm sorry for judging you without knowing shit and for acting as if I did."