𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 | 𝒋𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒖𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒕

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑. 𝟏𝟔

TYSM FOR 10K YALL

QOTD: ur favourite character on hsmtmts and why? don't say richard for hotness

• • •

Josh's POV

'I'm looking for inspiration

And I think I found it in your heart

It's the kinda thing you get when you're not looking

It's the kinda thing you had from the start...'

𝐈 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 against the piano keys a bit too harshly before giving up and slumping into my chair. It was good to know I was finally to write something genuine for a song, but the place it was coming from - wasn't as good.

It had been a day since I went to Addie's house for dinner. A day since we hadn't talked again. A day since I felt like a fool.

I fucked up. The dinner went perfectly, almost too perfectly that I was fully invested in the story we were depicting. Until Jordan came and messed everything up again - however he also reminded Addie and me that this wasn't real. So much so, that when I tried to stand up for her - I took it too far and was starting to sound like the new boyfriend - and Addie had to put me in my place.

I wasn't her boyfriend, that wasn't ever going to happen. I'd like to say that I was just tapping into my acting skills. But hearing the way he spoke to her, how could you not want to look out for a person like that - especially when you cared about them more than you realized.

"Well don't, this isn't even real just - this wasn't part of the deal. And it's Addie."

I guess I had a habit of picturing the life I wanted with the girl but then being blindsided by the reality of the situation. Every song of mine used to be about the first girl who did that to me, but this new girl helped me write so many more snippets of positive songs. I was now writing positive words, but feeling like a letdown as I put down the pen.

This wasn't her fault though, none of us saw this getting so serious - I guess we were naive to think things would go back to normal after this dinner. But I still wanted her in my life? And now when I want onto social media, fan accounts had started speculating as to just whom this new girl was.

The fact that I wasn't just interacting with Olivia made people some livid, but majority of them were defending us - to not assume we were together. Maybe I should listen to them too.

I wondered how she was feeling with all that - I assumed she'd be even more put-off from being associated with me. I didn't know how to reach out to her again, I didn't want to make her feel as confused as I was - but I missed talking to her an unhealthy amount. We all crave human connection - but the connection you feel with certain people can never be replaced with other things.

Olivia was one of the few people who understood my situation completely, and she was confused as to how it all went crashing down so soon. Nothing even happened to affect anyone else - Jordan was keeping his mouth shut and Addie's family still believed I was the new guy who'd be performing at their event soon. But me and Addie somehow let the smallest dispute ruin the ease of our relationship - but I guess it's because we lost track of what it even was.

But it had been 18 hours since we hadn't spoke and it was starting to feel ridiculous. I know where I went wrong - I let my emotions cloud reality and that wasn't going to happen this time. I needed to let her know that I was going to be there for her, as a friend. That was better than our current scenario. I thought she felt the same way - there were too many moments to count - but maybe she's as good of an actor as me...