Love is a big word. (La casa de papel. A Denver fan fiction)

Training

Today we practiced shooting and learned about weapons and which we are going to use. Denver acted like nothing has happened and we were just friends. It felt so strange not to kiss or touch him. I miss him so much but I can't say that, Idk why.

After the professor told us about our guns, how to use, which ones, when we are going to use what and showed them to us, we had to practice shooting and holding them properly. I have to say I am really good at that, sadly I had a lot practice the last years but it shows.

"London, your turn. Here's your gun. Let's see if you really can shoot." Berlin teased me because he never was impressed by me like the others.
As I aimed I saw Denver standing at a tree watching, so I, of course gave my best even more. I had to show him and Berlin how good I was.
I shot and perfectly hit the target 4 times. Moscow, Helsinki, Nairobi and Tokyo were clapping.
I walked near to Berlin, handed him the gun and said: "Told you. I never miss."
He clenched his jaw but gave up on saying anything.
"Nice shooting." Denver said coming from behind.
"Thanks.. Denver, are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah why shouldn't I?" he looked at me surprised.
"Well maybe because you were so quiet the last days and act like nothing happened. And I saw you crying yesterday when I walked past your room. I'm sorry if I hurted you I didn't mean to."

"Wow okay, yeah you really did hurt me because I thought we could be together and that you could love me too, but no you don't and it's okay. I don't want problems we should just concentrate on the plan and the lessons." he said being strangely calm.
"Okay." I said.
I was confused and didn't know what to say, I never am confused or upset at myself because of a boy. I don't have problems because of love, but with him it's not the same. I feel like I can't breathe when I see him and get happy and excited around him, but right now I could cry because he isn't really with me and it feels like I am trapped in my head. Is that what love feels like?

Later that day Moscow came into my room. He seamed worried.
"Hey Moscow, what's wrong? Are you good?" I asked.
"Yeah I'm okay, I just wanted to talk to you. About Denver and you. What is going on between you? Or what was. You two are distancing from each other. I noticed something was wrong." he told me.

Moscow is like my father too. I really look up to him and he means much to me. I can tell him everything, from normal things to my problems or bad decisions.

"Umm, him and I.. You can imagine right? So two days ago we fought a little and he told me he loves me but I couldn't tell him too. I feel so bad because I hurt him and he doesn't deserve that. I just don't know how I feel. I really like him and when I see him my day seems perfect and everything but right now I feel horrible." I explained actually almost crying.
"Oh damn, he didn't tell me anything, I was worried because he destroyed things and freaked out and broke down like when his mom left but he didn't tell me it was about you. I had the feeling, now I know it's true. But- I think that you are in love too. That look on your face when he enters the room or makes you laugh. You two are always near each other. I think you don't want to let it happen because you are scared. But you don't have to. Denver is a dickhead sometimes but so loving and you are too. You are perfect for each other. You just have to accept that you are in love with him." Moscow said smiling at me.
"I'll think about it, thank you for listening and giving advice." I said and hugged him before going outside.

I needed to go for a run. It always helps. In just a week we are going to enter the mint. I have to get my mind clear and my feelings ordered.
As I thought about it I came to a point that is hard to accept for me.

I am in love with Denver.