Life of the Party

Chapter 26: stitches

POV : Alyssa

Why was he so mean at me? What did I do wrong? I was just so worried... And he had those mean words at me ! Suddenly, those lyrics pop in my mind, and perfectly describe what I am feeling: «You hit me with words I never heard come out your mouth, to be honest, I don't want it... Pain, but I won't let it turn into hate...»

I'm in so much pain right now... I just lay there on the couch crying my heart out. There is nothing in the appartment but my sobs raising in the air... I am all alone in my distress. I am losing Shawn and I don't know what to do... I love him so much, and I know he loves me, at least I hope so... We are breaking apart and there is nothing I can do... He hurt me so much...

I am so sad that I'm at this point where I don't even want to cheer up. So I take my phone and randomly put on a song. Yippe.... Youtube chose to play «stitches»...but I just leave it on, because it is exactly what I am feeling right now... And I know it is mean, but I hope he feels the same, because I don't want to lose him...

« I thought that I've been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

...

And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
I'm tripping over myself
Aching begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

...

I'll be needing stitches... »

I love you so much Shawn... So much...

******

The girls came back home and I was sobbing on the couch, listening to «stitches» over and over again so it was easy to know something was wrong between Shawn and I... I told them everything and immediatly went out to change my thoughts. I didn't take my phone, I just went out to smell the fresh air.

I am now sitting on a bench in that garden I love so much, watching the view on the rooftops of Toronto. Raindrops begin to fall on my hair. I didn't take a coat, but the rain feels nice on my naked arms. I am not crying anymore, I thing there aren't any tears left in me to cry. Now I am just hoping that he didn't mean the words he said to me. Hoping he'll come back, because I don't think I'll have the courage to do it myself.

The rain is becoming more and more intense and I am soaking wet. Shivers start shaking my body, I should get back home before I get sick. Why am I here all alone in the rain? Why isn't he here with me ?

I walk back home and open the appartment's front door. I wring out my wet hair and clothes and take off my shoes to not dirty the floor. My T-shirt is sticking to my skin and so are my jeans, I must be looking horrible...

As I walk to my bedroom to get changed, I notice something on a table. I walk to see what it is and I see a red rose. A rose from Shawn, I know it... Next to it is a folded paper. I can read on it «I got you this rose, and I need to know, will you let it die or let it grow ?»

Shawn brought me this rose, he came here for me... My heart races in my chest and I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks. But these tears are different, they are not made from pain, they are made from love. Can he still be here in the appartment? Could he still love me? I turn around quickly and there he is, standing right in front of me. He is wearing a grey T-shirt and his forever black tight jeans. I can see despair in his eyes, and sadness to...

-Alyssa I... he starts. I'm so sorry... I know these words may not seem honest but they are. They really are.

He pauses and grabs his hands nervously. He however continues.

-I hurt you and I'm so sorry... I was not feeling as usual... I was feeling bad after what happened in the café. Feeling bad that I let everything happen, and staying alone in my bedroom made me feel really depressed. Staying without you made me depressed.

Does he really still love me ?

-I went out with friends and I smoked weed, you know that, but my sadness turned into anger, I didn't want to see anyone, and when you  came for me, I rejected you...

Atear rolls down his cheek, he looks so sad... I feel so bad for him... I love him and it hurts to see him cry...

-Alyssa it feels like I can't give you what you deserve... I think that we should...

-Don't say that ! I scream in desperation. Don't ever EVER say that Shawn !

I run to him and take his face in my hands. He looks up and stares at me with his wide sad brown eyes. It hurts to see him like that.

-Alyssa I...

-I love you Shawn... I say, laying my head on his chest and taking him in my arms. I love you so much...

He puts his hand in my hair... I missed this lovely feeling. I missed him.

-But I hurt you. I shouldn't have...

-You did hurt me Shawn, I say, looking at him deeply in the eyes. You did, I can't deny it, but I still love you.

-You do ? Ater all I did to you ?

-I do, I promise you that I won't let you go this easily !

He gently lays his lips on mine and we kiss passionately. His hands around my waist and mine around his neck, he takes me closer to him. I can feel his warmth on my freezing body. All my pain suddenly flies away when I'm in his arms. We kiss for so long, I get lost in his strong protective arms.

He suddenly breaks the kiss.

-You must be freezing, he says.

-It's OK...

He takes off his jacket and puts it on my shoulders. It is warm and big, I love it. Shawn wraps his arms around me and warms me up in a long hug.

-I love you Alyssa... how can you pardon me? How can I have such a kind girlfriend?

-I just love you, that's the secret !

-Should we go out tonight ? You are not staying forever so we should spend as much time together as we can !

We get out, his arm around my shoulders. The rain has stopped. He smiles at me and we walk joyfully in the night. I am so happy to have him next to me... I'll never let him go !

****

Shawn took me to a beautiful restaurant and we then went to the cinema together. I spent all the movie with my head on his shoulder and our fingers intertwined. I love my boyfriend, and even if he hurt me, as long as he loves me, no matter how far we are from each other, I won't let him go. Ever.

Shawn pushes his appartment door open and we enter. It is clean and neat, as always. Music sheets are still scattered everywhere on his living-room table, creating the only mess. We walk to his bedroom and I take off his jacket. My clothes are still a bit wet so I take off my T-shirt and my trousers. He is still in front of me and stares at everyone of my moves.

-Gosh you are so beautiful Alyssa !

He takes off his clothes too and we end up facing each other in undewears. I stare at his perfect body for a moment. His strong arms, his chest, his abs, and up to his face, his jawline, his plumped lips, his beautiful round nose, his brown curls falling on his face, and finally his wide brown eyes in which I get lost. Help me. I am drowning in his eyes, dying of gazing at so much beauty...

He shuts the light off, wraps me with his arms, and we drift into his bed. My head on his warm chest, my arms around his neck, his around my waist... I can feel his hands running on my back. His head makes its way to my neck and he starts kissing me passionately. I enjoy this feeling that I missed so much. I can feel his muscles rolling under his skin as his kisses get more and more passionate.

-I love you Alyssa... I love you... he whispers in my ear.

-I love you too... I whisper back, as I fall asleep in his arms.