Red Hoodie //BoyFriends

Chapter 9

Michaels POV:
The rest of the week went surprisingly quickly
To be honest we really didn't do much.
What's there to do when you can't use one of your arms, you have no schoolwork to do and you have a level to beat
So we literally spent 4 days in a row playing apocalypse of the dammed.
Jeremy is meant to be keeping up with his work.
But Jeremy being Jeremy.
Isn't
So when I naturally can't sleep at night, I get up and do some of his work for him
He never knows that I do it. He's the deepest sleeper I know
I could rearrange my whole room as he slept and he wouldn't know.
So that's what I'm doing right now
I check the time
2:34am
Perfect.
I hate not being able to sleep. It's like I should have been made nocturnal.
I put my headphones on and press play on my playlist.
I skip the first few songs until I hit one that I actually want to listen to. Doesn't everyone do this?
And I get to work

Jeremy's POV:
I wake up to see Michael sitting at his desk writing away.
I'm surprised he's still going.
By the looks of his messy hair and his headphones being on, he's been working all night.

"Michael"

No reply

"Michael"

Still. Nothing.
I get up and gently tap his shoulder. I can hear his music blasting through the headphones. That explain why he couldn't hear me.
He quickly turns round and puts his headphones round his neck

"Shit sorry"
"It's okay. What's are you doing?"

He goes red.

"Are you doing my work michael?"
"No... okay fine yeah I am. It's what I do when I can't sleep"
"You've been doing my work for me?"

He nods.
He seems embarrassed.
I put my arms round him from behind and lean my head on his shoulder

"I love you so god dam much"

He blushes and pauses his music
Good because it was definitely ruining the moment.

"How are you not tired?"
"I don't know. I guess I am but my body just won't let me sleep. Insomnia hey. Fucking sucks"

I release my grip on the hug and he turns round to face me.
He gives me a look I know all too well

"Alright I know that look. What do you want"
"Nothing nothing"
"No go on"
"Fineeeee. Can we just lie and cuddle for a bit. It helps out with my anxiety"

My heart pounds

"What's the matter? Why are you feeling anxious?"

He smiles at me

"Jeremy sometimes your anxiety is worse than mine. And that's saying something"
"Alright alright fine I know I freak out easily. What's up?"
"I don't know. I just feel it coming you know? I wanna stop it before it turns up"
"Yeah I understand. Of course"

He gets up and we lie on his bed.
He burrows his face right into my neck and curls up to me.
I hate seeing him in this way. Just thinking about what's going on in his head scares me. Let alone the fact he is living through it.
I fiddle with his hair and I think this calms him down because he slowly moves his head and leans it on me properly.

"You okay?"
"Mhm. Just getting there"

I sure hope he gets there

Michaels POV:
I'm trying.
It's trying
It's a constant battle in my head.
I've got Jeremy here to help me and my music seems to be calming me down but I can still feel it.
Right in the pit of my stomach. It makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up. And throw up all my anxiety.
Course this doesn't actually happen but the nausea is extremely real
So real that I end up having to leave Jeremy and rush to the bathroom to sit on the tiled floor next to the toilet
There's better places to be I'm sure.
It's building it's way up.
I feel myself trying to scratch at my arm. This usually happens as it takes over, but my cast is stopping me from getting to my actual arm.
This doesn't help of course. Usually, scratching at my skin forces me back into reality and means I can force myself to calm down.
I'm sitting in the same place as last week, the day I tried to finish myself off.
See now my thoughts are taking over again and my breathing increases.
I start shaking and I know I'm in for it.
I try to call for Jeremy but my voice just won't work.
Fuck.
This is it for me then. Here I'll be stuck on the floor having a panic attack until
1. Someone finds me
Or 2. I end up calming myself down but this is extremely unlikely.
When I think I'm completely out of luck. I hear Jeremy call my name.