A Promise : To You For You

Chapter 17

Silence

Inner turmoil

Guilt

Pain

Tears

The five things which had surrounded me all my life. The five things which had never left me unlike others. The five things whose intensities had only increased after reading all the letters.

Of all, guilt was the one immense feeling which was leading me to my destruction. Guilt of doing nothing when I could have done everything. It was all in my hands but unknowingly I let it slip out.

How could I do this?

"HOW COULD I DO THIS?!! HOW?" I yelled at myself and more tears of remorse flowed out of my eyes.

Chilly wind blew in the room coming through open balcony doors making all papers flutter against my hold to let them go. One blow and they would be free to go with the flow of wind wherever it would take them whether to their destination or their destruction.

Just like me.

Two lives were got destroy because of me. I could have saved them but I didn't. Instead of filling their lives with happiness I filled it sadness. First Aarushi and then Rheyan.

No one told me anything about him. Never. What had happened that made him change so much? Why had he become closed, an introvert? Why had he distanced himself from everyone? Why had he stopped smiling now? Why was he not happy?

These were the questions I had asked everyone when I met him for first time after twelve years.

No one answered me.

When I asked about Aisha, Nikhil said she was his late girlfriend. I thought he might be hurt because of her death though they had broken up just a day ago of her death. He must be trying to get over her but never had I ever thought something like this would have happened with him?

I thought he had shut everyone out of his life but I was wrong. There was one person he was seeking whose support, the person whom he trusted to be there with him in time of need, the person at whom he was relied upon, the person from whom he had never distanced himself, the person who was oblivious to everything happening around.

Ahana Ahuja

He had wanted to share his pain with me but I was not there to take his given share. He was in hope that one day I would definitely reply to him but I made him lose his hope. He was all alone there but I was surrounded by my maternal family.

Never once I thought of contacting him, asking him if he was okay, if he was having a good time, if he was in any problem, if he was in need of any help. Never.

The wind increased its pace increasing the fluttering sound of papers in background which were there in my hands begging for their freedom but how could I? They were the letters Rhee had written to me. How could I let them free when I myself was yearning for it?

With time his letters became short and heaviness of emotions increased. After second letter his third letter came next year after seven months.

February 2009

Aahi

I was contemplating whether to write to you again or not after waiting long for you to reply. I am annoyed, really annoyed.

Is it your way of ignoring me?

But why? What have I done to be ignored?

Dad said you are still there in London. Is London that much interesting that you don't want to come home? You know what unlike you I am so desparate to come home because I am suffocating here. I told dad that I don't want to study here but he is so adamant to change his decision, god knows why? I think he is pushing me away. In fact my own best friend aka your brother, Nikhil is pushing me away too. And now you have joined their league too.