How to Survive a Naruto Reincarnation

Step 8: Know your own limits

"So, how did it go?" Lord Third asked me casually. 

"How did what go?" 

"Counseling the students." 

We sat face to face in my kitchen with five ANBU guards. And by "sat," I mean we sat on the damaged floor. 

"I think going great. Naruto is great, Sakura is fantastic, I've barely met Hinata enough, and Sasuke is learning some non-violent skills."

"Sasuke, the Uchiha survivor." 

I shrugged. "I guess Sasuke's calmed down a lot." 

He gave me a blank look. 

I could smell the judgment in the air. 

"'Calmed down,'" he repeated unnecessarily. 

"We practiced some breathing techniques, some anger management, and testing out more."

I made ambiguous gestures as if to say "Job well done." 

Lord Third gave me a flat look instead. He jerked his chin towards the kitchen window behind me. 

"I don't suppose you had anything to do with him suddenly finding a....an interest in gardening, do you?" 

I scoffed. "Him? Gardening? Nah, no way." 

"What is he doing in your yard right now then?"  

"...What?!" I flung open the backdoor, only to see no one there, except two ANBU staring right back at me from the edge of my yard. Two more ANBU appeared to stare back from the forest. 

"You tricked me," I scowled, closing the door and facing the Hokage. 

"You fell for it," he mildly responded. 

Touche. 

But apparently, Lord Third was done playing games. He pushed another file towards me. 

"While you were busy recruiting your gardening prodigy, I had Mizuki taken care of."

With a nod of approval from him, I opened the file to see Mizuki's file with a big red stamp of "revoked" over his teaching license. 

"Ah, nice," I remarked, scanning the page absentmindedly. "What did you guys do?" 

"Oh you know, exile him--" 

"Wait, you guys didn't imprison him?" 

"And cause us more trouble? No, we had sufficient material to ensure his stay elsewhere." 

I narrowed my eyes and returned to the page. "That's definitely not going to come to bite us later. Alrighty. Now what?" 

Lord Third made a gesture, and suddenly Hatake Kakashi appeared. 

Oh no. Not this guy. 

"You can explain the other Uchiha survivor, for starters," the Hokage suggested, leaning back. 

Then more silence. 

"Well?" The Hokage pressed. 

"...you want me to tell him about Uchiha Obito?" 

He gave me a blank stare in response. 

"...fine." I rolled my eyes and turned to Hatake. "Hatake. Uchiha Obito is still alive, has a grudge against you and Konoha for killing Rin, and now he has a plan to control everyone. There, done." 

To his credit, Hatake looked unphased. 

"You couldn't tell him some more specifics?" Lord Third scoffed. I shot him a glare. 

Hatake didn't look that much happier at the news and narrowed his eye at me. He didn't say anything, but he probably was on the verge of leaving our impromptu meeting. 

"Also, Obito was saved by the ghost of Madara and then led astray by Zetsu, yes it's all Zetsu's fault and not at all the emotional distress of Obito. The end." 

Hatake looked ready to either smite me on the spot with Chidori or disappear because suddenly three more ANBU appeared in my kitchen. 

"Where is your proof? " he asked. 

"...I don't. Maybe ask the intelligence group if you want confirmation of what I'm saying." 

"To give me the memories of an unreliable narrative."  

"Yes. Sure go ahead. Do whatever you want." I turned to Lord Third. "There, happy now?" 

But Hatake wasn't done. "Memories that likely you altered and changed? Information that no one else can verify that you are telling the truth or fabricating a lie?" 

"Then don't believe me! I'm either a crazy person or a really experienced scammer. It doesn't matter. I have random information, you decide if you want to chase this line of logic or not." 

"You're mistaken if you think that information is the only issue here. Your entire existence and memories are an anomaly that no one can explain."

"So what do you want me to do?" I snapped. "I'm just doing as I'm told!"  

Hatake regarded me critically. "Then you better hope that this is the truth as you say it is, or I will end you slowly and painfully for putting Konoha at risk." 

"Don't worry, Lord Third already made that threat."