The Mighty Storm|| ethma

15

We stayed one more night in Denmark for the gig at the Parken Stadium, and now we're in Paris for the last show of the European tour at the Stade de France, tomorrow night.

And the whole time Ethan and I have been sleeping together, and when I say sleeping, we've not done much actual sleeping.

Behind closed doors we're acting like we're a couple, and in front of others pretending like nothing is different between us.

I've been putting on a façade, acting like everything is okay to Will when I speak to him on the phone, when it's clearly not.

I know that I'm the worst kind of person, but currently I just can't see past Ethan.

All I see his him.

I'm so completely in love, and lust with him.

Fortunately, the media interest in Ethan and I quickly died down when Stuart put out a press release stating there was no story.

The release was firm on the point that Ethan and I have a purely professional relationship.

Ethan had Stuart put the statement out, and he only did that for me. If Ethan had his way, the whole world would know about us.

For obvious reasons that can't happen.

But I'll be going home in a few days, after the show, and I'm going to tell Will then.

I think.

Well, that's what I've promised Ethan I'll do. And I know I have to tell Will the truth, I just feel absolutely sick every single time the thought passes through my mind about telling him. So I'm trying not to think about it.

Instead I'm just immersing myself in Ethan, as much and as often as I can.

We haven't spent a night apart since that night in Copenhagen, and honestly, I can't imagine spending a night apart from him ever again.

Every night though I have the same internal battle.

I go and call Will before bed as scheduled.

I feel sick with guilt after the call.

Ethan is jealous and ansty with me when I return to him.

A part of me wants to leave Ethan because of the guilt I feel over Will, the other part, the bigger part, wants to stay because of the way I feel about him.

We fight a little, sometimes a lot.

Then we spend the rest of the night making up.

Tonight, we're in my suite. The guys have all gone out.

Ethan and I both made some lame excuse up for not going out so we could spend the night together.

We ordered room service, ate our fill, and are now snuggled up on the sofa. I'm nestled in-between Ethan's legs, head on his chest, and we're watching Armageddon.

There wasn't much on the hotels movie listing, and I like Armageddon, it's a sweet film.

Ethan has been stroking my hair for the last ten minutes and I'm starting to feel sleepy and content.

I must have fallen asleep on Ethan, because the next thing I know, he is lifting me up off the sofa and into his arms, and the room is in darkness.

"What are you doing?" I mumble, sleepy.

"Putting you to bed."

"And where are you sleeping?"

"With you, of course."