The Mighty Storm|| ethma

17

The show is insanely good.

Ethan, Denny and Tom are on top form – Ethan most of all. It's the last show of the European tour and he is making sure they finish on a high.

I haven't seen Ethan since this morning. He's avoiding me for obvious reasons.

I know it's hurting him Will being here, and I hate it. I can't stand the thought of Ethan being in pain in general, but when it's because of me it's a thousand times worse.

I wish I could make it better for him. But right now I feel like I'm caught between a rock – Ethan – and a hard place – Will.

For a change, I'm out front watching the show with Will and Simone. I thought it would be better than stage side for obvious reasons, and Stuart very kindly sorted me out some fantastic seats for the three of us.

We're seated close to the stage with a clear view of the guys, and well maybe saying seated is wrong because Simone and I haven't sat down since the show started.

It's hard not to fall into the pull of the show, because Ethan and the guys are on fire.

I'm just glad I wore my floral print cami top and blue denim skirt as it's crazy hot in here tonight.

And I don't think the heat is helping with my wrecking ball nerves, but then I've been this way all day.

I'm trying to keep thoughts of what happened this morning out of my head and to focus on Will, but it's difficult, especially here now looking at Ethan, looking so beautiful up on the stage.

Ethan finishes up singing one of the new hits, 'Pure Thing' and slows things down to an easy stop.

The stage darkens. The lights killed.

There's some whistles from the audience, but it's so silent that you could hear the beating heart of a mouse.

I find myself holding my breath along with everyone else.

Then the spotlight hits Ethan.

He looks like a God up there. So beautiful with the world at his feet.

Eighty thousand people and not a single sound to be heard. The stadium waiting, breath baited, to hear what will come out of Ethan's mouth.

A man with the adoration of the world at his feet, and in this moment I can't exactly figure why he wants me.

Ethan steps back from the mike and pulls his cigarettes from out of his back pocket, puts one between his lips, and lights it up.

Blowing the smoke from his mouth, he reaches down and grabs his bottle of beer from the side of his mike stand, taking a long swig from the bottle.

Garnering cheers from the crowd, encouraging him to down the bottle, even Tom is egging him on, so Ethan being Ethan downs the bottle and tosses it to the ground in front of the stage, as the crowd cheers.

I can tell he's already been drinking a lot, that's apparent enough.

He takes another drag of his cigarette and steps up to the mike.

The whole stadium is silent, once again, in anticipation of what Ethan will say next.

He exhales his smoke as he leans into the mike, and starts to speak, "Okay," he runs his hand through his hair, looking contemplative. "I know the guys are going to kill me for this ... but I'm thinking of maybe mixing things up a bit, doing something a little different." Ethan leans back from his mike, looking at Tom with a question on his face, covering his mike with his smoking hand.