The Mighty Storm|| ethma

26

"He's using again, isn't he?"

Stuart looks sadly across the table in the coffee shop we're in, and nods his head once. "Yes, I think he is."

"You think or you're sure?"

"I'm sure," he says without hesitation.

Stuart should know. He lived with Ethan, the addict, before.

"Me too," I sigh, stirring my coffee, I look down into my cup.

We're in Boston and it's two weeks into the US leg of the tour. And Ethan's using drugs again.

It's become increasingly apparent over the last week.

I've never lived with an addict before, but the signs are pretty clear.

He's not sleeping. His moods are all over the place. His temper is short. He's drinking more than usual. Fidgety. I could go on.

After Alamere Falls, we went back to the hotel, happy together, and when we woke in the morning, everything was perfect.

Ethan was Ethan again. We spent time with his mom, and my folks. We all had a wonderful few days together in San Bruno.

Then one night everything changed. One phone call changed it all.

Stuart received a heads up call from the press about a story that was going to be run the following morning. The press had found out about Sean's death. They dug a little deeper and found out he'd been in prison, and just what he went to prison for.

There was no way to stop the story, although Ethan and Stuart tried.

So we left San Bruno that night, and flew to LA, to Ethan's house.

My first stay at his place, my new home to be, wasn't exactly how I had imagined it would be.

Ethan was tense and stressed. I was alone for most of the time.

When the story hit the news, I lost him. He became introvert.

I hoped things would get better once the tour started. Once he had work to focus on.

They haven't. They've got worse.

He keeps disappearing off on his own, sometimes even without Dave.

When I question him as to where he's been, he says he's just been having time out to clear his head.

Basically, he's out scoring drugs.

Ethan's distanced himself from me. From everyone. He only talks to bark out orders to staff on the tour. And the only time I see him resembling something near to the Ethan I know, is when he's on stage performing at the shows. But the minute he's off stage, he's back to the same.

He's pushing everyone around him away, and I haven't got a clue what to do. How to help him. I feel completely out of my depth. And so very helpless.

Helpless to the fact that the man I love is slowly slipping away before my eyes.

I've considered calling his sponsor, even his drug counsellor, but I feel like I'd be crossing some arbitrary line if I do.

I just feel at a loss.

You have no idea how hard it is to try to hold onto someone when they don't want you to.

I've tried talking to him. He won't talk to me. He brushes me off, telling me there is nothing wrong.

There clearly is.

The story coming out about what he suffered at the hands of his dad that night was the final nail in the coffin for him.