Let Me Know

Chapter 8

-edited-

"Sick of staring up of the ceiling,
How'd you change your mind just like that,
The only way to get past this feeling
Is to tell myself you're not coming back."
-LANY

Lisa's POV

I crouched down to the floor, bawling uncontrollably. Guess, he really did give up on the idea of loving me again. It hurts, that I can't even tell him how much I love him, how much I miss him, how much I wanna hug him, kiss him, and tell him the truth, everything.

But I'm weak, I can't stand up for myself. I'm not strong like how I really look, I get hurt easily. I wiped my tears from my cheeks and calmed myself down. I stood up from the floor and decided to go find the bathroom once again.

Once I entered the bathroom, I immediately made my way to the mirror.

I looked at myself, I'm completely messed up. My mascara is all over my face, lipstick ruined, and eyeshadow smudged. I washed my makeup away and replaced it with a more minimum makeup. I walked out of the bathroom with my usual poker face.

They all turned their head to my direction, except for Taehyung of course, he's staring at his glass of beer again. Jennie unnie and Yoongi is back. The others were oddly quiet but the music was still playing.

Unable to control myself, I sat down beside Jisoo unnie and took my shot. "What are you doing, Lisa?" she asked. They were scrutinizing my every move but I don't care, I took a bottle of beer and poured my glass full.

Then I drank it all in one go, "Lisa!" Jisoo unnie tried to stop me but I shrugged her hands off and poured beer on my glass again. I kept drinking as if they're not there. I don't care anymore, I'm tired. Fucking tired, I don't care if I blurt every single truth right now.

My chest felt heavy. The pain I felt was excruciating. I hate this, I hate this feeling.

My crying got worser as flashbacks of happy memories came back. Damn, I thought whiskey can make me forget about all those memories I tried so hard to bury.

“Lisa, please stop.” I heard Jennie unnie beg. “Just let me, will ya? I'm so freakin' tired unnie! I'm tired of pretending! I-i can't hold back this pain anymore. It hurts. This hurts." I snapped, pointing to my chest.

Thereafter, the commotion stopped.

Silence.

My eyes landed on Taehyung's direction once again. I don't know why but my eyes tend to always find him. He stared back at me with what seemed to be pity. Pity? Now he pity me, huh?

We had a quick staring contest before I looked away. I couldn't handle seeing him staring at me like that. It's like he's mocking me.

I grabbed the bottle of beer and drank from it. God knows how much I want this pain to stop. To disappear. Why is my heart still shattering when it wasn't even whole to start with?

I couldn’t begin to count the countless memories I’ve lost with each pour of the vodka bottle.

Every one washed away beneath an icy sip or six of liquid forgetfulness. A mind shot to pieces by a forever empty glass.