Caught in a Chase

42 - Empire State of Mind

I couldn't sleep. When the sun peeked through the blinds, I gave up and went downstairs. Taking a bowl of cereal to the family room, I settled on the couch in front of the TV.

A couple hours later Chelsea walked in carrying that fucking bag. I turned back to the TV.

"I'm heading out," she said. "Car will be here in five minutes."

I nodded, not looking at her. Remember the plan. Just get through this without making it worse. Last night was bad enough.

"You're not gonna wish me luck?" she asked.

"Good luck," I said.

"Marshall please. I don't want to go with things like this."

"Then don't go," I looked over at her, suddenly hopeful.

She sat next to me. "It's only a couple days. What's going on?"

"Nothing," I said, looking back at the TV. Stick to the plan.

Her arms wrapped around me and I felt her lips at my neck. I pulled her tight against me and pressed a kiss to her forehead. If only this moment could last forever. I didn't want to lose her.

"I don't want you to go," I said in a low voice.

She raised her head and looked at me. "Why?"

I struggled for words. How could I explain all the fucked up fears in my brain? That my insecurities were eating me alive? In less than five minutes. Impossible. And what if I did convince her to stay? Was her friend right? Would she end up resenting me? I couldn't let that happen.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking her off and standing. "Everything's fine."

"You've been saying that a lot lately but it doesn't feel like things are fine."

"I'm figuring out the supportive boyfriend thing," I shrugged, keeping my face blank and summoning the cockiness I hid behind. "Hard to be amazing at everything."

"That's all this is?"

"What else would it be?" I asked, anger creeping into my voice. "You accusing me of something?"

Chelsea shook her head. But anger was more comfortable than feeling vulnerable, so I rolled with it.

"No, come on," I taunted. "Ya got something to say, say it!"

She sighed. "It just feels like something's going on with you."

"I say I don't want you to go and you think I'm fucking around," I said. "Nice."

"That's not what I said!"

"I know how this goes. You wanna look through my phone?" I took it from my pocket and tossed it onto the coffee table. "Check my schedule? Question my friends? What?"

Chelsea stood and reached for me. I pushed her away and flopped back on the couch.

"You better get going. The strippers will be here soon," I said.

After a moment, Chelsea picked up her bag and left.

Fuck. So much for not making shit worse. I couldn't have made it much worse if I had tried.

Not even kissing her goodbye! What the fuck was wrong with me? I couldn't let her go like that. Running to the door, I threw it open in time to watch the car drive away. Too little too late.

If I'd had anything else scheduled today, I would have cancelled and wallowed in misery. But I wasn't disappointing sick kids. I spent hours taking pictures, signing autographs and giving out hugs.