"Adian, come here!" I shouted, chasing my five year old son.
I took him out to the park down the road and I was seriously regretting it. Charlotte had decided to feed my little ball of energy chocolate and now he was bouncing off the walls. From now on I'm thinking of banding chocolate.
"ADIAN!" I shouted louder as he ran closer to the road.
"Grandmamma," he said jumping into my mum’s arms.
I could have sworn I had a mini heart attack. I jogged up to the both of them. I grabbed Adian out her hands and gave him a light tap on his bottom. The little drama queen started bawling his eyes out like I even touched him. My mum picked him up and tried to settle him down.
"Hey, why you hitting my baby?" she asked.
"The little giraffe almost ran straight into the road," I said angrily.
"Shh baby, should we beat up daddy?" she asked him.
He nodded so my mum put him down. I started running and he ran after me. I could hear his giggles from behind me as I threw myself to the floor. He jumped on me and I laughed.
**
(Play the song on the side 'Fly Before You Fall' by Cynthia Ervio)
"Dad," Adian said, "Why does Shania have a mom but I don't?"
I froze out of shock. I knew I was going to have to talk to him about it but I didn't know it would be this soon. My heart raced as I looked at my son. I felt so heavy. I tried to push her to the back of my mind and focus on my son. It had been five years since she'd pasted and I still dream about her every night, I would give anything to just hold her for one more second.
"Dad!" Adian shouted getting my attention.
"Umm... you do have a mum you silly sausage," I said trying to lighten the mood "it's just when you were born she went to heaven."
"What's that?" he asked.
"You know that place that they talk about at church, you know the place good people go," I said.
"Yeah," he said excitedly, "when is she coming home?"
"She's not coming home son," I said broken-hearted.
It took him a while to comprehend what I had said before he started crying. I picked him up and squeezed him tight.
"Don't cry Adian, you’re a big boy," I said crying.
There was a knock on the door before my mum, Charlotte and Lottie barged in. Charlotte saw me and Adian crying and frowned.
"What happened in here?" she said with a look of worry on her face.
"Hey sis, can you look after Adian for a bit, I need to do something," I said rushing out of the house.
**
I stood at Tori's grave and knelt down.
"He asked about you," I said talking to her, "he was in tears when I told him you weren't coming back. Do you know how that made me feel? You leave and I have to pick up the fucking pieces. I loved you but you still left me," I said crying.
I turned from her grave but not before whispering "I’m sorry."
**
I see the way that you look when you hear her name
I see her picture up in your frame
And you refuse to admit you still miss her but its okay
You're a tower of strength when you're breaking down
But through the wall I can feel your cry
And when it's quiet you're screaming inside
And I break as I hear you
Loud as a bomb
Wanting a shoulder to cry on
I hear you
Tumbling fast
Here and now, you're afraid
Don't you worry
I'll teach you to fly before you fall away
It's in the moments when you're left all on your own
And it hits you from out of nowhere
You try to hide it sometimes unsuccessfully
With a smile that fades quickly
You're resistance to sadness is futile but
You're a fighter, can't stand defeat
You're a magician at hiding the hurt from you
But I see and I hear you
Loud as a bomb
Wanting a shoulder to cry on
**
Last Chapter fo'real this time. I saw everyone was doing something special so I thought why not.
It's a bit late I was meant to upload this yesterday but..... yeah so I hope you enjoyed it.
