𝐋𝐮𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐬 ʰʸᵘᶰᶜʰᵃᶰ

✿

No, what most would expect now has not happened. Hyunjin and I didn't talk. We didn't spend the break together. He dumped me, again. I think this note turned out to be a bad omen of some kind.

But it didn't stop there. Hyunjin cried relentlessly, and when he read the note he cried even harder. I wanted to help him, but when I offered my help, he said I should go.

I stood in front of him for a while, but still left at some point. Not because I wanted to listen to him. Not because I thought that was the best thing for him.

I left because I couldn't hold it back any longer. I didn't want to cry, but seeing him this broken hurt me more than anything I could have imagined at that moment. I wanted to do so many things at once. I wanted to cry, take him in my arms, tell him that everything will be fine. I wanted to tell him that I was there for him. But I wasn't. I left him alone and didn't know what happened. I wanted to give him my heart. I wanted to be everything to him at that moment, but I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand myself anymore.

If there is a moment that can completely destroy a person, it was exactly that moment.

I was destroyed.
By myself.

Since I couldn't go to class anymore, I immediately made my way home, but Seungmin stopped me. He surprised me a little, I didn't expect him to be at the entrance, as if he was waiting for me.

"Chan?", he said, his voice raised.

I stopped and turned to him, but my eyes could barely see anything. Tears blurred my vision.

"Did you talk to Hyunjin just now?"

I said nothing. For a second I looked back at the entrance, then at the street.

"Chan!" He snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. "Did you?"

"Yes I did, for fucks sake! I did!", I screamed back at him. It wasn't even my intention to yell at him, but my emotions were going crazy. I didn't know what was wrong with Hyunjin, but I left him alone with it and it hurt. My whole mind was full of him. The only thing I was able to think about. Hyunjin. Crying.

"It's been 10 days, tho." Despite my shouting, Seungmin remained calm. He crossed his arms and looked at the entrance. "I think I was wrong, thinking it would be better if you left him alone."

Trying to calm down, I wiped the tears that were rolling down to my chin. After that, my sleeve was wet. Ew.

"What.. what do you mean?", I asked as soon as I was able to talk properly.

Seungmin sighed, his eyes fell on my soaked sleeves. "Well, Chan. Hyunjin didn't exactly enjoy the time you didn't speak. I told you not to make him fall in love with you, but I think I told you too late. He liked you too much from the beginning on. Without you he was a wreck."

He let out a slight chuckle, taking me by surprise. "And I fool thought it's okay if he didn't have you. God, how much I hate you, that's incredible."

I tried desperately to read his eyes, but it confused me. He looked hurt.

"Are you..?"

"Jealous?", he interrupted with a laugh. "Yes, I am. I am really fucking jealous because I AM the one who was there for him all the time."

Tears started to form in his eyes. And finally I understood his intention.

"I AM the one who has known him for years and not just a few days! I AM the one who helped him through hard times and I AM the one he could always rely on! But..", he paused, taking a deep breath, "he chose you over me. Unbelievable."

"I'm sorry." He couldn't hear that. My apology wasn't even whispered anymore. It was barely breathed. Too quite for anyone to hear. "Seungmin, I'm sorry, but I need a break right now. From all this. I'd like to go home. We can talk about this later, if you'd like to continue this conversation."

He didn't say anything. He turned away and went back into the building. Without any goodbye. That was okay, he certainly didn't want me to see him cry. After all, I didn't want Hyunjin to see me cry, either.

So I made my way home again, this time for real. I looked at my feet as I ran. The air was disgusting, but it wasn't too cold or too warm. Good weather, actually. I could have cleared my head, but I didn't really succeed. It was just too much.

Some people looked at me, but they didn't talk. Thanks, everyone, for the respect. And halfway home it started to rain. It wasn't a light rain, no. It started to pour down like hell. A rain that stole your view. Everything went dark and gray. And again I didn't have an umbrella.

My hair was soaked, stuck to my forehead, and rain dripped from the tips onto my face. My clothes were stuck to my body, everything felt disgusting. I ran to get home faster. I had to wait on the main road because it was very busy. Many trucks drove past at this hour. When it was clear for a second I ran over to the other side, but I immediately stopped as I heard my name behind me.

"Chan!"

"HYUNJIN WATCH OUT!"