the mind of a teenager.

promises.

for me promises are always broken. especially from the voices. even moon broke her promise. she told me the voices would not take over but here we are. she said if the voices got close to me she'd help me cast them away. but here we are. the voices control my life. from sleep to how much i eat to entertainment. they promised me i'd be happy. i am not happy. they promised i'd forever have my safe place. the darkness. but they have invaded. they broke their promise. god even i broke my promise. a promise i should not have had to make with myself. i promised myself whatever happens i would never let the trouble go far enough for me to hurt myself. yet here i am. scars on my thighs of words the voices told me represented me. i broke my own promise. maybe i deserve this hurt. maybe i deserve everything that has happened to me and more. maybe moon just wanted to give me false hope. hope that i can finally sleep. hope that i can finally be free from my fears. hope that i can look in a mirror and not see what the voices want me to see. hope that i can get an answer to my questions. but moon broke her promise and for that i do not trust her. the voices always break their promises so that doesn't make them or moon. i mean what makes me so different from moon. i broke a promise too. a really big promise. now here i am unable to feel the pain i caused to myself. although i've got to thank the voices. they took away my weak stomach so i can handle blood. this makes my broken promise seem nice. i can't feel pain but i can feel satisfied with not puking. we all break promises it just so happens that some are more damaging than others. i broke a promise to myself a long time ago and i cannot forgive myself. i broke a promise i made to save myself from what i have become. it's my fault i am what i am. moon is trying to hurt me and the voices? they are trying to save me from moon. they are trying to free me. why can't moon except that the voices are helping me. i'll be free. but at what cost? i have no idea. but i'll finally be free from this torture. free to the darkness. forever.