fear. all i can feel in my feel is fear. i'm fearing going into school tomorrow. i fear having my friend group fall apart because of me. i fear my friends leaving me. i fear getting yelled at. pathetic right ? i'm 15 yet i fear getting yelled at. it's funny. when i was younger i'd be upset when people left. but i'd make new friends. now ? if my friend leaves i'm destroyed. i can't live without them. my whole life changes. that's what i fear. i fear being lonely. i fear having no one to talk to when i'm upset. i fear having no one that i can talk to about my problems. that's why i'm currently shaking. i don't want to go to school. no. i can't go to school. if i get confronted i'll cry. i'll look stupid. i'll look weak. i'll just be the girl everyone can pick on. i don't want that. but if it pushes me to do what needs to be done then let it. let it tear me to pieces. let them rip at my insecurities. let them make me weak. let them destroy me. i have no idea why i'm like this. why i want to be hated. but i guess it makes me do what needs to be done. i just want people to be happy. that's all i've ever wanted. that's what i always try to do. even just a small laugh or a smile. and that means i've given them a serotonin boost. call it whatever but them being happy makes me happy. and if they destroy me? i'll do what needs to be done to make them happy. what needs to be done to be free. like a butterfly.
YOU ARE READING
the mind of a teenager.
Randomwhat more to say then feelings. i have no filter when it comes to my feelings so i decided why not write them because i like writing. sometimes i may go too far so TW
