the mind of a teenager.

accusations.

for me. being accused of something is scarier than heights. even if it's someone who shares my name that's being accused. my stomach drops. i look to the ground. yes it makes me look guilty. and that's how i feel. guilty. guilty i have done something to upset the people i love. guilty that someone has hurt the people i love and shares the same name as me. guilty that i can't help them. guilty that i can't look them in the eye because i'm scared. i've not always been this way. accuse me of something when i was nine and geez i'd kick up a storm on how your wrong. now ? i will just try and say a sorry before wallowing in sadness. i don't know what about being screamed at does for me. i hate loud noises they just make me cry and panic. so screaming? well you can imagine what i feel like. it's hell. that's why i gave up shouting at people. it hurts me as much as them. and it makes me fear myself more. i hate shouting.  that's probably why i can't stand when people start arguments with me. it makes me panic. i know i can't defend myself. i'd stutter. i'd let all my defences down. i'd mess up. i'm weak. that i know. i just don't know why i can't avoid arguments. i do what everyone tells me to do. so why they dislike me i don't understand. i don't understand why they pick on what i hate the most. i don't understand why they start attacking me over the smallest details . i can't see why i can't live my life. like let me live. after all i just want to be free. let me be free. like a butterfly.