fear. all i feel is fear. i don't know why. yesterday i saw a girl with her skateboard. it made me think back to when i took my skateboard to school. i should never have done so. made fun of. laughed at. all this for what? to pick on someone who doesn't fit their stereotypes? it's mean. ever since that day i've made sure not to do anything that people can pick at me for. cautious. i've got to be cautious. people don't like my shoes ? i'll change them. people hate my hair? gotta make sure they like it. this constant fear i feel is gonna kill me. it fills my stomach. it clogs my throat. i would say it stops me from breathing if i could already breathe. i feel sick. the sick bubbles and brews inside me. it travels up my throat. swallow...swallow...SWALLOW. it travels back into my stomach. if i move i'll puke again. there it goes. up and up and up. swallow f******* you better swallow you fat bitch. back down it goes. repeating its cycle over and over. today i questioned actually writing in my diary. i have no motivation to. this is my diary. my digital diary. i don't trust my mum with my actual diary. if she reads this im screwed. swallow eden swallow....... safe. i just want to let go. i don't see why i should be forced to stick to this routine over and over. i do not see why i should be stuck on this earth. the torture my mind creates is too much. i just want to be free.
free like a butterfly....
YOU ARE READING
the mind of a teenager.
Randomwhat more to say then feelings. i have no filter when it comes to my feelings so i decided why not write them because i like writing. sometimes i may go too far so TW
