the mind of a teenager.

moon.

moon was the person i thought i could trust the most. she was supposed to be all my positive emotions. she was my moon and i was her stars. she always gave me help when i was scared to talk to people. moon helped me make friends. she helped me start dance. moon has been with me since i could understand words. i've always known a rough idea of what i'd look like as i grew older it's been a weird gift i have. if you'd even call it that. moon always appeared 2 years older than me. like she was from the future. my dad always found it weird when i'd "talk" with moon. she wasn't an imaginary friend like my dad thought. she was me. but he never believed me. i remember once i had to talk in front of my class in P1. moon said she'd be there and there she was. sitting below me smiling and clapping. in P4 moon disappeared. i was heartbroken. i thought she was just imaginary and i had grown too old. i wrote a letter to her.

"to moon,

where have you gone? why did you leave me? you made me cry. i was upset. my mums upset too because my dad doesn't love me like he said he did. i think my mums upset at me too. i chased dad away. please come back moon i miss you. i have a test tomorrow and i'm scared i will fail. please help me moon.

love, your star."

in actual fact moon never left. she was always with me. she just had to battle the thoughts in my head after my dad left. moon came with me to my test the next day and never left my side. she always cared for me until i left primary school. the voices in my head that moon tried hard to keep back broke free. i lost my smile. i lost my appetite. i lost my happiness. i lost my sanity. i lost moon. when i complained about moon breaking promises i was young. i now realise what she is doing for me. she is trapped. she's trapped because of me. she's trapped where the voices were once stuck. i have no strength left to set her free. they trapped her with all my happiness. she's forced to watch as her star breaks. i'm not strong like moon claimed i was. the voices have torn away my strength. i'm sorry moon but i cannot fight to get you back. so i'm stuck. facing the voices alone. i haven't heard from moon for years. to keep her memory in my head i wear star and moon earrings. that's how i got so obsessed with stars and moons. i miss my moon. without her i'm not myself. if i could go back and change what i said i would. i love my moon so much. it will be weird to see myself older if moon comes back. i never pictured myself living past 15 but if moon can do it so can i. i think her way of keeping me aware that she's with me is to help me see certain parts of my future. thank you moon. i will continue to try and fight the voices until you can escape and help me. moon please hurry. i don't want to be "free" anymore. moon they want me dead. i can't do this without you moon your my best friend please don't let me down. you never let me down before. moon i just want you back. the voices are stronger than me but you are stronger than them .
i forgive you for leaving me moon. love, your star