Save me - Larry stylinson

Chapter thirty seven

"Hurry up, Harold!" Zayn yell from the water. Niall and Liam splash water on each other while laughing loud. The sounds of a their voices, gets thrown around the big lake. There is no people here. The sun is shining bright and there is no clouds on the sky. We parked the car just beside the road and walked for about ten minutes into the woods. Liam told me that no one knows abound this place and that's why he likes it. I'm already starting to like it as well the water is still and birds are flying above us. It reminds me of that place in my coma. It's not nearly as beautiful, but still. It's so peaceful.

I throw off my pants and shirt, leaving me in only my boxers. I run into the water towards my friends. The water is warm and feels so good against my skin. It doesn't take long until I have water just under my shoulders. Liam laughs loud and splash some water on me. The drops hit my eyes making it hard to see for a few seconds. I keep my nose shut with my fingers and dive under. I stay there for as long as I can. The sounds from above is not there when my head is under. I can only hear this quiet, unclear sound. I open my eyes slowly. The water stings a little in the back of my eyes, but the pain is tolerable. I've been going through worse pain. The silence is ruined when two strong arms grab my shoulders from above and drag me up. I gasp for air, realizing that I've been under the water for a long time. I rub my eyes until I can see clear. I'm met by three worried faces.

"Slow down, lad. Don't try to drown yourself." Niall laughs and shake my shoulder.

"Sorry. I didn't-" I cough.

"Stop saying that you are sorry all the time." Zayn smiles. I feel a sting in my heart when he says that. My thoughts raise back to when Louis came back after I woke up. He told me to stop apologizing. He never really told me what he did there. The only thing I know is that he got a tattoo and the reason he left was because he felt guilt. Don't we all?

"You seriously need to stop thinking about him." Zayn shakes his head. I meet his eyes and try to hold my emotions back.

"You don't understand. It's not.....possible. Everything reminds me of him. He's everywhere." I throw my hands in the air before pushing my hair back. "I made a mistake right? I should have just forgiven him." I whisper and try to hold back the tears.

"No you didn't, this is good for you. Both of you. To figure out where you stand with each other." Niall lays his arms around my shoulder to comfort me, but it just feels so wrong. Having an other persons touch on my half naked body.

"Niall's right." Liam nods. "He's damaged."

"Don't say that." I beg. "You'll never know how damaged he is until you try to fix him. And he won't let me."

Louis POV
"I didn't know I could run this fast!" I yell. Harry grabs my hand causing more speed to fill my feet. The road I front of us seems like it's never going to end. The ground looks like asphalt, but it's soft. Everything around us is so fucking beautiful. The trees is touching the blue sky and the birds are flying around us.

Suddenly the touch from Harry disappears. I look to the side and I don't meet his green eyes. It takes me a few seconds to realize that I'm no longer running. I'm sitting. Tied onto a car seat. My hands are stuck on the wheel. I try to turn the wheel to pull over but it's stuck. The car is driving in a high speed, right forward. The paddles are gone. I'm not able to stop or turn around the car. The only thing to do is just keep my eyes on the road. I blink away the tears inside of my eyes. This is not fun. Not fun at all. My heart is beating so fast and the ropes around me is so tight. Suddenly, only a few meters in front of me, is a person. It's impossible to see who it is, because the sky around me is no longer blue. It's dark. And the birds are no longer singing, they are yelling and screaming. I try with everything I have to turn the wheel, but with no luck. I chose to close my eyes instead. I don't want to see the person getting hit.

But still with my eyes closed and the loud sounds from the car, I can hear the voice that yells when the car hits him. The scream is so fucking loud. I know that voice. I cover my ears and realize that my hands are no longer stuck on the wheel. I open my eyes again and look down at my hands. They are covered in blood. Every piece of them, are deep red. I turn my head slowly around to the seat beside me.

"OMG!!!!" I scream at the sight. Harry's body is sitting beside me, covered in the same red as my hands. His eyes are closed are he doesn't breathe. I reach out to touch him but-

"Harry!!!!!" I scream and sit up. I look around the room with panic all over my face. My breath is heavy and my forehead is soaked in sweat. A few drops run down my cheeks along with my tears. It doesn't take long until I hear running outside my door. Mom open the door with a loud sound that makes me cover my ears. It the exact same sound as the car made when it hit Harry.

"MAKE IT STOP!!!!!" I scream at the top of my voice. I probably sound like a kid, but right now I am a kid. Moms arms raps around me and pull me tight. I fight her a little but she's strong enough to hold me.

"Make it stop" I cry out loud. "Make him go away." I know I don't want that, but right now I wish I just could forget about him. He's everywhere and it kills me because I can't touch him or tell him that I love him. I can't help him. I can't save him.

"I hate myself!!!" I yell and finally get myself out off my moms arms. I stand up and start punching myself. First I only hit myself in the stomach, but then I start hitting myself in the face. When the pain in my face is bad, I start punching the wall. My knuckles stings like hell.

"Louis, stop!" Mom yells. She doesn't walk towards me or try to grab me. "Don't do this again!!!"

"I hate myself!!!!" I yell again and start throwing things around. "No. Scratch that! I hate Harry for coming into my life! I hate Stan because he's just Stan!! I hate Eleanor because she's a stupid bitch!! And I hate you and dad for having sex so I was born!!!" I scream while pointing at her while saying the last words. She lets out a sad laugh and shake her head.

"So we are back to this again?" she asks with anger in her voice. "You are going to start blaming everyone and everything?" she shrugs.

"Why should I have to apologize for the monster I've become?! No one ever apologized for making me one!!!!" I'm not strong anymore. I'm not really sure if I've ever been. I start walking back and forth when my head starts getting dizzy. I breathe as good as I can and try to keep my eyes open. I'm not going to faint, not again. For the first time in a while I regret not taking my medicine.

"You have all the right to be hurt and angry, Lou." Mom whispers. I shiver a bit when her hand touch my shoulder. She notice and start rubbing my skin. She knows I love it. "But you can't keep blaming people. Not others, not yourself. You don't deserve all the pain you've felt, but neither does Harry. He don't deserve your angry mood and closed attitude. You have to open up to him. You have to trust him."

I close my eyes as his name is mentioned. I haven't thought about it like that before. All the pain Harry must feel every time I push him away or tell him I'm not ready. I trust him. I really do, I just.....I don't want him to come too close. What if he leaves me and takes a bigger piece of my heart with him? What happens every time a person does that? When will the heart be gone? What will happen when it is? How can I live without a heart? That's not possible. I can be strong. I definitely can. But no one is able to live without anything that gives the muscles blood. The thing that gives your body life. We can't live without that.

Harry is my heart. He's the thing that gives my body life. And without him, I'll be dead. It feels like I already am.

Wooof. Hard chapter to write. I've been having a pretty tough weekend and it's been kind of hard to write because I've felt like everything just becomes crap. Some shit is going on and writing has helped as like a therapy, but everything just becomes so deep and dark. Anyway, I hope you are having a good time and that you are enjoying reading my story.

Thank you -Q