Beginnings NewtXReader

I'm Losing Myself

"Well, good morning love" I heard Newt say to me in his sexy morning voice. I groaned and smiles while moving my head. I was asleep on his chest, oh God how I missed this. I looked at Newt, he was laying with both arms crossed under his head.

"Goodmorning Newt" I said back to him and moved my body up to kiss him. He kissed back and both his arms slowly unfolded from underneath his head and wrapped around me, pulling me closer.

Newt started to deepen the kiss, closing any possible space between us.

Then of course, our moment had to get ruined. Thomas walked in. "Sorry to interrupt, but today, well, tonight. We are getting into the city and taking Teresa"

I raised my arm and held a thumbs up. "Yeah thanks Tommy, for that wonderful reminder" I said sarcastically.
Thomas nodded and then left the room. I turned back to Newt to find him passed out. Really. But he is adorable.

Newt's POV

I am running through the burning streets of Denver. I don't know exactly what is going on. Buildings all around me are broken, or getting bombed. People, both normal and flare infected are running around the streets screaming and running for there lives trying to survive, or they are roaming around looking for people to attack.
I run past a building and I catch a glimpse of myself in the window, I turn around and walk, well limp. Back to the window, i look at myself in the reflection. I was a crank.
Black veins covered me, black liquid is spilling from my mouth, making my teeth colored black. The liquid is covering my shirt too, I look dead already. Then I noticed my eyes, crazed, they weren't even brown anymore, they were almost completely black. I looked like something straight out of bloody hell.
I didn't know what to do.

I decided to keep running to try and find someone, anyone. I still have my mind, I'm still myself, Newt. But I sure as hell don't look like Newt. I looked like a way past the gone crank.

As I move through the streets there starts to be less and less people and cranks, the buildings all around me still were being broken down and bombed leaving fire everywhere, making the normal dark black night glow orange and red.

I came into a small square, I don't know where I am but in the middle of the square is Y/N and Tommy, I felt so relieved to see them.
"Y/N! Tommy!" I tried to yell but it just came out a garbled moan, the black ooze in my mouth pooling making proper speach near impossible. I started to run to my girlfriend and best friend. They turned around to face me and Tommy quickly pulled a gun from his pocket and painted it at me.

I tried to stop my body but I kept running, Thomas looked like he was going to shoot, but he didn't. He let me tackle him. I tried to stop myself, I really did, but it was like I was seeing though my eyes, but something else was controlling my body. I was imprisoned in myself. I watched my hands wrap around my best friends throat. He dropped his weapon.
I could feel my hands around Tommy's throat, I felt them tightening, i felt his airways closing. Thomas locked eyes with me. I wanted to stop. I wanted to bloody stop. But I couldn't. I started screaming but no noise came from my mouth.

Then I felt the ground shifting and shaking from beneath me. But that didn't stop me from squeezing harder around Tommy's neck, his face was very red, going purple now, he was trying to speak but it would just be strained croaks.

Then I flew backwards off of my best friend. I landed on my back, the air knocked out of my lungs.
I coughed and gasped trying to catch my breath as I slowly came to my knees.
Y/N. She was standing in front of me. I lifted my head to look at her. But instead of seeing her face. She had Tommy's gun. She had the barrel pointed at my forehead. I looked at her face, I thought that she would be breaking doing this to me, crying. But she wasn't, her face was still and firm, no emotion showing, none whatsoever.

"Y/N" I breathed out, and it was like all the black ooze in my lungs was gone, I could breath I could speak. I was me. Myself. I could control my body. But then i turned my head to look into one of the windows of a nearby building, no. I still looked like a crank.

"Newt" y/n said back to me blankly.
"Y/N, its me"
"No Newt. Its not" she said then Thomas walked beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Then....Minho? Minho appeared on y/n other side and placed his arm on her vacant shoulder.

"No, Y/N, love. It is me" I said holding in tears. "I love you"

She shook her head and stepped forward a bit and I felt the barrel of the gun met my forehead the cold metal meeting my skin and sending a chill throughout my whole body. Goosebumps began to flow over me, my spine chilled and I tenced.

"No, it's not you. You don't love me, not REALLY. You are only saying that for me to spare your life. So you can go and infect more innocent people"

I shook my head. How could she say these things? "No. That's not true"

She nodded. "Yes Newt, it is. You haven't been yourself in a long time, not since the scorch."

She is right, I haven't been the same since seeing Winston die. Watching the flare kill someone I loved.
Then it only got worse when W.I.C.K.E.D took y/n, I was lost, I didn't know what to do.

"I'm right and you know it." She said to me. Then the readied her finger on the trigger and looked me in the eyes. "I don't love you. I never really did" and before I could say anything.

*Bang*

"Y/N!" I screamed as I shot up in my bed. Y/N was across the room brushing her hair when she saw and heard me scream. She dropped everything and ran over to me.
"Newt what's wrong?" She asked repeatedly, frantically.

I didn't answer her question, I just grabbed her and pulled her close. I hugged her like it was the last time I would ever hold her.

"I love you. I love you so much. Please say that you live me too. I couldn't live if you said otherwise. Please love me. I bloodh love you" I quickly said mumbling into her hair and I rubbed her back.

"Newt, what are you talking about. Of course I love you, I have always loved you. And I will never stop" she said into my chest.

This virus, I. I can't bloody handle it, the nightmares. And on top of that, sometimes, not often. But I will fade out, zone out from everything and I can't snap out of it.

I feel like I'm losing myself.